


Daughters of Destiny

by primaryglitch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:15:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23772169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primaryglitch/pseuds/primaryglitch
Summary: Destiny is a strange thing, not just fate and not just chance.Destiny can be grand gestures seen throughout the galaxy, destiny can be the smallest moments only shared with oneself. Destiny can be of the heroes who have etched their names into history, destiny can be of those invisible to the eyes of others. Destiny can be a path as clear as day, destiny can be a mystery never fully deciphered. No matter who's or how it had come about, each destiny causes ripples in the force, however large or small. Even the smallest of ripples can build into waves great enough to dictate the course of the tides.Even if their names and memories are lost to the sands of time, the force remembers and guides fate in their steed.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Star Wars Big Bang 2020





	1. The Empress

**Author's Note:**

> Created with the help of [Amrita_Vein[artist]](/users/Amrita_Vein/) and [DixieLullabye[beta]](/users/DixieLullabye/). Lovely illustrations for Daugher's of Destiny by Amrita_Vein are [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017032). You can find more of Amrita's work on [tumblr](https://www.google.com/amp/s/wildspaceyokel.tumblr.com/post/187294030184/thrawn-and-elis-marriage-portrait/amp).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empress breathes life into all she touches, bring forth fertile fields and flowing streams from barren earth. From dust, she creates beings in her image. With her loving words, she forms a castle. From crumbled rock, she builds a garden wall to protect all she loves. But the Empress knows that even with all her power, she cannot stop the seasons from changing, that her spring will not be everlasting. So while it is still summer, she opens the garden gates. She asks for her creations to leave her kingdom before the fall comes, for she loves them too much to let them wither with her. But the Empress knows, even in all her helplessness, that the seasons will change and her spring will return again. So she leaves the gates open, hoping those she love may return again.

The art of storytelling had been passed down to Shmi at a young age. Her earliest memory was having been in the dark cramped quarters that were shared between dozens and dozens of others, the chill of the night penetrating down to her bones despite the many bodies pressed against her. She hadn’t understood at the time, but the harvest had been sparse that year and the merchants hadn’t done well either. As such, their usually poor conditions had become exceedingly bad, with masters’ whips forcing them to work far past their abilities. They had received little food, only eating after the livestock who only ate the leftovers and that were deemed unusable for product. In their weakened states, sickness spread like wildfire. The life of a slave was to understand death far before one should, and Shmi’s was no exception. Her mother has passed days before. On that night, she had felt helpless and hopeless, and she longed to join her mother if it meant leaving this pain behind. She wasn’t alone in these thoughts- silence had long fallen over them, no one had words of comfort. Each loss had already drove nails into their hearts, yet the pain was not new- it was simply new wounds upon long scarred skin that had been etched and eroded by heartbreak and hardship.

She remembered the eldest of them all, the one they all referred to as Grandmother regardless of blood, had stood up and spoke. Her voice had rasped and come out uneven and weak- each word rattled in her throat as if to hail death. However, what had come from her was like a song. Shmi couldn’t recall the exact story her grandmother had told, but she did remember how, even in the darkness, it had been if she could see a million colors dancing as the story unfolded. The story that night had warmed her soul and filled her as if she was in her mother’s arms after a hearty meal despite that those comforts could not come to pass. Yet, the comfort remained so that when she slept, her pain and burden felt lighter. Even after knowing her Grandmother passed in the quiet of the night, she did not feel sorrow when she woke. Instead, she felt overwhelming gratitude that she had shared her gift with her. She had taught her of the power that words carried, and she never forgot that even in the darkest of times that words could save your soul.

As she grew, so did the number of stories she heard and the amount that she told. All of them would weave stories, some new and others ages-old, but always slightly changing. The individuals would become part of the story themselves. No one could tell the same story in the same way; it was like a dance. Their masters could take nearly everything from them, they could even rob them of their voices, but they could never take the stories that lived on in their hearts. They would always have those stories that gave them hope where there should have been none, those stories that set their souls aflame, those stories that cradled them in comfort throughout it all. The stories and worlds that were weaved by all of them as kindred souls, they became her first love. And just as had been given to her, that would be the first love she passed on to her son..

Shmi had always told her son stories, from the second she knew of him. She didn’t know how it was possible for her to carry him, but her son, her Ani, was the greatest gift she had ever been given. She only wished she could have borne him into a better, kinder world- a world of the stories she loved to weave. For years, she would hold him tight and pretend in those fleeting moments that she could protect him from the world around them. As the years came and went, she never stopped holding him as he grew. He was brilliant, with a mind always wanting to learn and ask questions, always yearning for more and to explore even the deepest regions of the stars. If he had been free, he would have had the makings of a great man. But he was not, and what would have made him so great was not desirable in a slave. It broke her heart to see him learn this, that he could not be who he wanted. But in his dreams, she knew he imagined so much more for himself. All she could do for him was to plead to their master to spare him from the whip and in the night whisper stories of the future to him where he would have everything he wanted and more, where that world was open to him.

The Jedi weren’t real, not the ones she told her son about. Around them, the world was full of cruelty by those inflicting it, by those choosing to ignore it, by the ignorant who were too arrogant to ever look in the first place. That was their world, that was Tatooine where they were forced to endure harsh realities. There were no heroes here, and there was no justice for the slaves so easily overlooked. There was no justice for the planet that the Republic cared naught for. Their reality would always be dim as the twin suns would always burn bright. She tried to shield her son from it all. She knew she could not protect him forever, but if she could let his childhood linger for a second longer, any burden would be worth it. The other children would tease him at times for his belief in himself and others, but she wanted to protect those ideals that her Ani still could believe in before it was too late. The most fantastical thing she told him was not the angels of Iego or the noble warriors of an ancient order, it was the belief that justice would ever touch the sun scorched earth of Tatooine. 

She would bear his burden for as long as she could. And if she could break his chains, she would do everything she could to, even if it meant her death. She wished with all her heart she could encourage him to run as far and fast as he could whenever he told her how he hated Mos Espa and Tatooine itself and he yearned to see the universe. But instead, she had to sternly tell him that he mustn’t, that he mustn’t draw attention to himself, he mustn’t forget his place. That running would never earn him his freedom, it would only earn him his death. He would always sigh and reassure her even though it shattered her heart.

She knew her place, but she knew that this wasn’t his. His eyes shone too brightly and his spirit too strong to be condemned to her fate.

When the Jedi came, she didn’t need him to tell her he wasn’t there to free slaves. After all, in reality, they were not the grand heroes of fantasy, they were just beings the same as all others. However, she saw how his eyes sharpened with interest when he spoke to her son. She couldn’t help to compare it to the look of a bidder when they found a slave of particular interest, but he wasn’t of Tatooine. She knew nothing but the gazes of masters, so maybe he was different, maybe he was kinder. But it didn’t matter; if there was even the slightest chance his man could help her son, she would let him go even if her heart screamed to clutch him closer at the same time.

When he won the podrace, what she first felt was overwhelming relief that her son came back to her alive. But her relief was bittersweet, as she knew as she held her son it would be one of the last times. When the Jedi told him he was free, the joy she saw on his face was enough to lift her heart. She saw him waver when he found out she couldn’t follow him, but Shmi knew this was right. So she let him go and prayed that the Jedi would keep his promise, that her son would be taught and more importantly, finally be safe and with a better life. She knew the fickleness of others, of how quickly they could change their minds and betray and hurt each other. She knew this was not just true on Tatooine where it might have been most potent, but on all worlds. These thoughts only brought her despair, so instead of weaving a story to tell her son, she wove one to tell herself. One that she chose to believe in, one that would get her through the darkness of the night.

Work was hard the longer that passed since her son had been freed. Watto could not afford another slave or even a hired hand, so more and more work fell onto her. Her hands were nimble but not as nimble as Ani’s had been. She knew her way around machines and droids, but she never had the same ease that he had. Watto would demand more and more from her as business continued to decline and his debts stacked up, but he would rarely strike her- she was his property after all and her hands and body were too valuable to damage at the time. She would work all day and often far into the night. Exhaustion was constant as were the pains she felt as she was overworked. When she struggled the most, sharp pains and chronic aches spreading throughout every inch of her along with her mind straining and pounding- she thought of him. She thought of the life that her son must have, of how his face must have changed but that he would still be her Ani. Of how the hardships of his childhood would be a distant memory as he made new ones as a freedman. He would have a good life, the life he deserved. He was her light in the darkness, which gave her the strength to keep going. Perhaps if she worked hard enough, somehow she could earn her freedom and see her son again. That was the story she told herself night after night.

The signs had been as clear as the stars from the desert plains at night that she would trade hands soon. Watto had worked and worked and worked her but profits had not gone up, she knew that from doing his bookkeeping that they were on a steady steep decline. When times were good, slaves made them even better. But when times were bad, slaves made them even worse. While the masters took everything from them, they also had to provide everything, however little, for them, from food to lodging to the ever-so-expensive water. The Hutts had been raising the water tax, drastically increasing its price along with nearly everything else as a consequence. Watto had no significant farmland to provide for himself, so he had to outsource everything, furthering the large debt he had already accumulated from his addiction to betting on podracing. He had even begun to lend her out as a worker in desperation. She did not truly remember, but she assumed that was how Cliegg Lars first found her.

She did not know what had caused the man to be so transfixed on her, an enslaved woman dressed plainly as Tatooine itself. There were hundreds of others who looked the same as her, she was like an indistinguishable grain of sand in the vast desert. Nevertheless, he had taken a liking to her. Shmi did not consider herself cruel or manipulative, but she was not above using his affection for food and water among other things at first. She would call it being resourceful because, after all, on Tatooine you must do what it takes to survive. The man did not seem to mind at all, instead seemed to enjoy showering her with those so-called gifts. He came to her often, and she found herself searching him out on the rare instances when Watto would loosen the leash on her. He seemed to enjoy her company very much and often they would just sit and talk. At first, she ended up listening to him most of the time and it was a breath of fresh air to the constant work she was used to. But when he mentioned his son, she began to talk about her Ani. She forgot herself often while doing so, ending up disclosing how deeply she loved him and missed him. Cliegg seemed to increase his interest in her at that, telling her that she seemed like a great mother- but there was something in the way he said it that implied there was more he wanted to say. He expressed more and more of his interest in her up until the day he said he would buy her if given the chance. He said it in such a sweet manner, but her mouth went dry at his words. On one hand, he was more emotionally attached to her than Watto was, which might make for a lighter workload or even better conditions. Yet, it was also a reminder of her place, that she was a slave. It might have been the cynicism that creeps into the corners of all slaves’ minds, but it felt as if Cliegg saw her more of a prize to be won than a person.

Either way, Shmi brought herself to smile at him in a half genuine way. Together, they had worked up a plan to get Watto to sell her. It was not easy; he kept making up excuses to keep her and denying trades. Eventually, Shmi got Watto into a position where they, Cliegg and his son Owen, would be able to force Watto’s hands. As night began to fall, she followed her new master to his transport. The feeling of trading hands once more reminded her of times she would rather forget. Cliegg smiled at her and told Shmi he was glad to have her. His tone suggested that he felt more of a connection to her than before. Shmi repeated this back, saying how she is glad to be under his care. While she was still unsure of him, it was not entirely untrue.

Work on the moisture farm was different than that which Watto commanded of her. Cliegg was a lot looser with her, allowing her to generally do as she pleased as long as work got done. Adjusting to the maintenance and necessities of the farm had gone smoothly. She was already familiar with the maintenance and use of vaporators, as they had passed through Watto’s shop occasionally for rebuilding or repurposing. While she wasn’t as well versed as other slaves who had worked on moisture farms for years, she was familiar with a little Bocce. But the droid her Ani had made, C-3PO, made up where even she was lacking. She did work in the house as well, cooking and cleaning for the two men. With the layout of moisture farms, heavy deposits of sand always ended up in the center and needed to be cleaned out. Work was hard at times, but Cliegg was easier on her, never raising a whip or hand at her even when her aches made her work slower.

After a few months of living with the family, Cliegg approached her near nightfall when the twin suns painted the landscape in soft blues and reds. She had been walked back from one of the more distant vaporator, having just finished her work for the day. As such, Shmi assumed she must have looked disheveled and worn out, but Cliegg’s eyes were soft and affectionate. He took her hands in his and told her that he wished for her to be with him, not as his slave but as his wife. That he wanted to free her and marry her. Shmi froze and tensed, his words bring her back to when she was young and heard similar words. A promise of freedom from another master who had been kind only for that promise to be broken and fade away. She had fully heartily believed that she would free her, but her heart had been betrayed. Not out of malice but out of circumstances, but now the same thing could happen again- however unlikely.

She pulled herself back to the present, back to the man in front of her. Cliegg was a good man, as good as they come on Tatooine. He had always been kind to her, never decreasing how much she could eat or how long she could sleep if she couldn’t get work done. She had always enjoyed his company, he was a practical man but still kind. He seemed to genuinely care for her, and she had come to as well. The thought of being his wife, it wasn’t unpleasant. Maybe, without the notion of being owned, of being property, she could come to love him.

They were married quietly, there was no need for anything larger than that. Naturally, the Larses’ close friends attended but Shmi had been surprised when Cliegg had asked if she had anyone she would like to be there. She hadn’t known who to ask at first, but the word of the wedding- between a free man and a slave- spread like wildfire through Mos Espa and Ani’s old friends had approached her. She was grateful that they would even consider wanting to come and eagerly accepted. She had stayed close to her son’s friends- Kister, W. Wald, and Amee- and they even referred to her as Aunt at times, which always warmed her heart. The day had been peaceful besides when Watto had come uninvited, the sight of him making her uneasy, but he hadn’t stayed long. Afterward, Shmi had been surprised by a large meal as she had not made it. They all ate heartily and chatted with a light mood. That night she slept next to Cliegg feeling content.

Freed life was so similar yet so different. She still continued the same duties but she felt closer to the two men who had become her family. She felt into a pattern that was still familiar to her after all the years had passed since she had Ani. It was not the same, but she felt a bond with Cliegg and Owen- not as masters but family. They both embraced the chance with open arms. Cliegg became more affectionate with her but never overbearing, always respecting her space- nothing like how some of the masters would treat their slaves as toys or worse. Owen opened up to her more; he had been older and did not need the same level of attention she had given her son, but he still seemed to be comfortable with her small displays of affection. Slowly but surely, her contentment turned into happiness.

She never forgot her Ani and often would be hit by a deep longing for her son to be with them. She was happy with her new family, yet the times that she had spent caring for her son never left her. It was unfair to compare the two, but Cliegg and Owen would never be quite able to fill that void. She found at times thinking that if only Ani had stayed a little longer, they could have all been together. But she always scolded herself for thinking such a thing, for even considering allowing her son to be in slavery a day more than he had to. Besides, Watto would have never sold her if he hadn’t been losing business from workflow slow among other things and that would have never had happened if Ani had stayed. So instead, she imagined that one day he would be allowed to come back for her.

But Tatooine had no place in the Republic and simple women once enslaved had no place in a Jedi’s life.

Her son might be gone and she might never see him again, but she held a part of him within her heart. Cliegg and Owen always indulged her and listened to the stories she had to tell of her Ani- of his cleverness and ambitions, of his skills, of the mischief he would get into, and of how he always followed his heart. She would tell Owen of how much they would have liked each other, of how much trouble the two of them would more certainly get themselves into. She told her husband that he had never had a father and that now he could have one. She would tell them of how they could be a family, how they could be happy all together. She wasn’t unhappy with her life, but in the end that was her wish- to have her family all together.

She knew to be granted that wish would be near impossible, but she didn’t think it was too much to ask to at least be allowed to remain with the family she had found.

The attack overall wasn’t a surprise, only that she had been a target. The Tuskens and moisture farmers had long been on tenuous terms as the moisture farms extended deeper and deeper into the desert. The attacks on farms had increased and so had the farmers' aggression towards the Tuskens, whether they were attacking or not. This back and forth just increased tension, and she was sure others could see this as well but anger often clouded the lens of judgment. She always attempted to not rush headfirst based simply on her emotions alone; years of seeing other slaves being beaten for their emotional outbursts taught her such. But to try to tell the other farmers such, it would be out of her place to do so as she was a simple farmhand to them. To try to tell her husband so, there was the fear that she would be put in her place that wives occupied in Tatooine. Cleigg had never raised a hand at her yet, but there was always a first time.

She heard the Tuskens before she saw them, their bellows calling her attention while she was still in the middle of her work. When she looked up, she saw them rapidly approaching her with their staffs posed for an attack. She only had time to shield her face, a useless attempt, before she felt the impact of one of them stabbing her through the shoulder. She cried out in pain and tried to turn and run away before she felt the staff come crashing down on her head and the world went black.

She wasn’t sure when she became conscious again, barely lucid during countless beatings. When she did finally get a grasp on her surroundings, there were no other humans with her. She assumed others had been taken with her; after all, it wouldn’t make sense to capture only one woman. The only clue she had were scraps of torn clothing around her that were not hers, so she could only assume that they belonged to others that had perished. She didn’t find herself far from their fate, her throat dry and her body weak. The trauma had broken some of her bones and she could only hope that she didn’t endure too much internal bleeding.

The beating continued with little respite, they were unforgiving. She wondered why they continued with such harsh beatings instead of just killing her- was it revenge for all of them the farmers had killed? When she found her voice, however weak it was, she tried to tell them that this wouldn’t help, that all of this from the capturing to the attacking of the farms wouldn’t stop them from expanding. But they either did not understand her or did not care. Their only act that could be perceived as kindness was that they would occasionally force a thick soup down her throat with such force that would make her cough if not just from the taste alone. They had to be purposefully keeping her alive, but to what end? To see how much she could endure?

Throughout all the pain and torture, what keeps her going was the stories that she told herself about her son. Within her memories, she found all the sweet times they had when he was young and told herself of how he would grow over the years. His cleverness would give to quick wit, useful in times of need. His skill with mechanics would lend him to keep working with droids, perhaps making a name for himself that way. His bravery would allow him to stand up to oppressors. His heart would lead him to become empathic and understanding. She told herself of how he would be as a Jedi. He would learn far more than she could ever teach him, a proper education that he deserved. That he would always eat well and never have to feel the deep pangs of desperate hunger again. That he would make friends, that he would never have to be lonely. That he would be able to achieve his dreams of exploring every star and planet of the galaxy- that he would be an explorer of great legend, so great that words of his adventures might even make it back to Tatooine. That he would achieve all his dreams and more, that he would be truly happy. Perhaps he would even become the Jedi she had told him so many stories about, a Jedi that would free the slaves.

She just wished she could see him just once, that she could see who he had become. That her stories could be realities but most of all so she could tell her son she loved him. That even if he had forgotten her, she would always love him.

When he came to her, she hadn’t believed him to be real. But when she saw his eyes and heard his voice, she knew that somehow the universe had answered her call and gave her this blessing. Her Ani had grown so much without her, he was taller than she ever was and his hair cropped short. He was handsome in a boyish way, but she could clearly see his features of childhood, of the Ani she remembered, that had matured. His voice had deepened like she imagined, but manifested in a way that she couldn't describe besides absolutely like him. In his arms, she felt a warmth in her chest she thought she would never get to feel again. She had missed him, missed him as strongly as she had loved him. All the years of longing came crashing down on her, no longer having to be repressed because now, her son was with her again. While she was in his arms instead of her holding him, the strength of her love felt the same as when she held him that first time.

She was so incredibly proud of him, of how much he had grown and of the man he had become, even if she wouldn’t have the chance to know him.

She saw conflict and grief on his face as he looked at her, and she wanted to tell him to not cry for her, to not grieve for her. That just seeing him now, just once, was enough. That after all these years, he had come back to her despite everything- that being with him right now was all she needed. She smiled as she looked at her son's face, the one who she loved with all her heart. For him to be with her as her life faded, that was all she needed. Her greatest wish, to see her Ani once more, had been granted and she was at peace.

She only hoped her love could reach him, and he would be able to treasure being reunited as much as she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shmi Skywalker is one of those characters that is was a shame she wasn't explored more in cannon.
> 
> More on the Empress: "The Empress sits on a throne wearing a starry crown, holding a scepter in one hand. The scepter is representative of her power over life, her crown has twelve stars representing her dominance over the year, and her throne is in the midst of a field of grain, representative of her dominion over growing things. The Empress is representative of the productivity of the subconscious, seeded by ideas. She is meant to be the embodiment of the growth of the natural world, fertility, and what one knows or believes from the heart." -Gray, E. (1960). The tarot revealed: A modern guide to reading the tarot cards. New York, N.Y.: Bell Publishing Company.


	2. The Chariot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chariot is the vessel for progress, inviting on any who are brave enough. The Chariot is sure of its purpose, having brought itself into existence just to pursue it. However, the Chariot alters its path throughout uncharted land to fastest reach its destination. Throughout the lands, the Chariot gathers knowledge of all fields in its journey and willingly shares such with its passenger. However, the Chariot must look to its passenger for matters of the heart. Incorporating all it learns into its path, never stalling and always steadfast, that Chariot puts full faith into its passage to aid in its journey. However, the Chariot can not tell if it had been led astray until it finally halts, far too late to turn back.

With its beauty and culture, Naboo was often called the gem of the Mid Rim. It’s vast rolling plains and marshes were untouched by the mechanical age, a foil to Corecaunt in every way. Even its architecture was beautiful in a way that enhanced the landscape instead of invading it. Beyond aesthetics, Naboo’s prominence the senate and politics as a whole was far greater than the majority of the other Mid Rim Worlds, to the point where if not for its position, Naboo wouldn’t be out place as a Core World. Naboo’s portfolio was massive and impressive, fully earning its status as a gem despite bordering the Outer Rim. Her homeworld had always invoked a sense of pride in Padme, yet it was not for these reasons- It was for its people’s ironclad conviction in democracy. This collective conviction was what fostered Padme’s longing to preserve and protect Naboo’s spirit, and to bring forth its, and as an extension hers, ideals to the galaxy at large. So naturally, Padme found her calling as a public servant.

However, Padme was not born into policies, but the morals central to democracy ran through her veins in no small part on the behalf of her parents. The Naberries had always taught her to balance emotion with reason, that to act on either alone would to lose sight of her core. To not only be fair to others but to advocate for them in their times of need were values that they always stressed. Looking back, she did not think that they intended to set her sights on the political world, but they did not discourage her passion either. Without their blessing, she very well could have lost sight of that deep longing to not just help others, but be a driving force in doing so.

But that did not mean her parents did not have their worries, her mother especially when she realized that Padme had her sights set beyond just Naboo in the future. She hadn’t said anything against Padme joining the Refugee Relief Movement as her father had, but there had been some apparent reluctance. When Padme asked why, her mother had given her a reassuring smile and said that as long as she would be staying on Naboo, that would be okay- that she just didn't want her daughter to grow up too fast. But later on, Padme clearly remembered the day that her mother had pulled her aside to speak with her. She found this very odd since while her parents had talked to her before alone, she had never seen her mother looking back over her shoulder to make sure no one, even her father, followed them. They ended up in the far corner of the village garden, just where it was starting to overgrow. She had taken Padme’s hands and told her that while she was still young, it was most important that she understood this. That if she chose to ever truly leave Naboo, that life off-planet would be different than life on Naboo, not just in scenery or species. That she was a woman and she could not ignore that fact. That while more and more women rose to positions of importance and power, there still was a bias at times. Many would look at her in undesirable ways and many that would believe she should silent her voice, but that did not mean she should. That she could become a brilliant woman and to mute part of herself was to lose part of herself. Her mother then took her into her arms and asked if she understood. Padme had said yes, just for the sake of her mother, although she did not fully understand the implications.

But she was able to take part of her mother’s warning to heart at the time and vowed to herself to never withhold her voice. In that way, Padme was never quiet about her beliefs, she was quite vocal about what she believed should be done and changed within their government to better serve the people. The Naberries were not a traditional political family, having not held a formal position before, but Padme’s voice rang strong and clear among the streets of Naboo. Her propositions were often naive, having not yet realized the nuisances of democracy and the expenses that would come if realized. However, those qualities- those oversights- did not deter the council when they considered Padme for the position of queen. A heart unburdened with cynicism- one that would see the needs of the people with a clear lens and provide wisdom that an adult couldn’t- was most desirable in a queen. Her position as a junior legislator and her popularity of Princess of Theed firm backing for Padme to become a candidate as well. While there were others somewhat similar to her, it was perhaps one speech that made it clear that Naboo needed Padme as its next queen, perhaps it was even just a single line that did: "Government only exists to serve the masses. If to lose sight of that is to lose sight of democracy. A government that has lost its way that no right to exist, we must do everything in our power to ensure that Naboo does not fall victim to such."

Her crystal clear vision on where the heart of Naboo should lie, with its people at its core, made her the key candidate. When the council made their decision, she was welcomed with open arms. When Padme was told she had been chosen, she felt as if fate had been on her side- no, rather that she had forced fate’s hand to side with her. She threw herself completely and fully into the role. It was a great honor to become the Queen of Naboo. To show one's devotion to upholding the spirit of Naboo, the monarch was expected to adopt a name. So from Padme Naberrie, Amidala was born.

Both Padme and her handmaidens crafted the persona of Amidala together to be a pillar of democracy. Not just a believer in democracy, but a symbol of democracy as it should strive to be. Amidala would not give in to temptation, would never bow to corruption. Amidala would stand tall against any adversity, never comprising the beliefs of which she was built upon. No matter how strong a force, Amidala would not waver, would not fall. Padme fully took on the persona of Amidala as an extension of herself. She found her handmaidens doing the same, and together they ensured that Naboo would have the Queen they believed it needed.

However, she could not have predicted that Queen Amidala would have to act as a wall against such a strong corruption as the Trade Federation had become. Nor could she have predicted she would ever have to lay foot on land like that of Tatooine.

In her eyes, Tatooine was the antithesis of Naboo. Naboo Tatooine was a dry, drab planet with no sense of democracy. It was ruled by overlords and by those considered criminals by Republic law. The most despicable in her eyes was how commonplace slavery was. On Naboo, it was unthinkable that one would have a slave. Yet on Tatooine, it was unthinkable that a slave wouldn’t be found in every marketplace. The planet was corrupt, but none of her concern, as cruel as it might sound. She was needed on her World, she was needed by her people.

But first, she needed a way off this heinous planet.

She believed in the Republic and had trusted its decision to send the Jedi to assist them in peace talks with the trade federation. It seemed logical enough, it was textbook to have a third neutral party involved. With the Trade Federation being part of the Republic just as Naboo was, it was technically infighting, so sending peacekeepers not tightly associated with either faction seems like a natural choice. And then when the negotiations fell through, she was frustrated but more with the Trade Federation thinly veiled lies and malice than with the Jedi. But now, stuck with them on Tatooine her trust in them was drying up fast. Qui-Gon Jinn’s decisions seemed nonsensical. First to trust a junk dealer, then to bet her way back to Naboo on a slave boy? She did not approve. It was a miracle it worked out in the end, based far more on chance than she would have liked. She didn't agree at all with his approach, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel sympathy for his death. But in the end, she was able to ensure Naboo’s safety in addition to helping push Naboo to the forefront of the Senate with Palpatine becoming chancellor. A solid relationship with the Gungans had been established as well, and Naboo was safe for the time being. Although it would take a fool to not realize that the conflict with the Trade Federation would not ripply strongly throughout the galaxy.

In the aftermath, much of what happened on Tatooine slipped her mind between having to work with the bureaucracy of being Queen and with each newly found effect of the battle of Naboo. But the boy she meant did not escape her mind, who despite her misgivings was the one who was key to getting passage back to Naboo. While Qui-Gon Jin was convinced that his natural ability to drawn upon the force for guidance would bring him victory, Padme hadn't shared his conviction- looking back she wondered if she had been attuned to the force if she would have put more faith in Ani. But she was not, a still found it something far beyond a miracle that she had made it back to Naboo at all. He was to become a Jedi, Obi-wan’s apprentice from Qui-Gon’s death. She couldn’t help but wonder what kind of Jedi the boy who thought she was an angel would become. Her time on Tatooine was unpleasant and she would rather forget most of it, but the japor snippet she found herself rolling in her hand reminded her that she did not want to forget all of it. If for nothing else than the promise she made not to forget him. It was her principle to keep the promises she makes. She came to think of the snippet as a good luck charm of sorts.

But her mind never lingered long on Ani, she needed to keep her focus on where it belonged, where she was needed. Her place was in the senate as a voice of reason, of process, of hope for a better tomorrow. It was her place to represent and advocate for the Chaommell sector that held her homeland.

For the longest time, she felt as if she lived in her own shadow. As she gave speeches and propositions, she nearly always heard whispers that she had been the Nabooian queen during the Trade Federation's blockade. They would whisper that she was the Queen who had brought the naboo and gungans together, two groups so divided and mistrustful of each other. They were words of praise and other times warning, but she wanted to be known as Senator Amidala, not Queen Amidala. Before, the position of Queen had been unassuming one to the rest of the galaxy, nothing of note in terms of political power. While when negotiating with Naboo, senators and representatives would have to interact with the Queen, it was thought that the Naboo’s counsel and senator held most of the power. They were not completely wrong, the Queen’s position was more to provide insight than to completely rule alone. Some would go as far to see that the Queen had been nothing more than a figurehead, playing only a role in Naboo’s cultural values with no power at all. Yet, Queen Amidala had been everything but quiet and unassuming. She was the Queen that had held firm on her word and did not sign an agreement even while at gunpoint. She was the Queen who left the castle, leaving Naboo itself to accomplish her goal. She was the Queen who fought just as fiercely in battle as she did in politics. She was a piece on the chessboard, Queen Amidala had been a force to be reckoned with. And with Naboo in the spotlight more than it had been in years, with it being Chancellor Palpatine’s homeplanet, her reputation preceded her far more than she would like. It took time, but eventually the mention of her time as Queen died down and she became known more for her promotion of bills and popersition that she fully heartedly believed in.

As her time in the senate went on, she learned quickly that it was far different than the politics of Naboo. The world of politics on Coruscant was cutthroat, rarely did anyone truly mean what they said and money ruled them. Corruption was so commonplace that at times she couldn’t help but think that that planet to be nothing more than a dressed up Tatooine. But, despite its flaws, Coruscant was fundamentally different. On Coruscant she could make chances, not just within the planet but throughout the galaxy. On Tatooine, she was powerless.

She knew that she couldn’t invoke chance and progress with no one but herself, as she needed support to push forward in a democractic government. It was difficult, to say the least. She did not want to compromise her values simply to gain traction. If she did, then she would be no better than the senators she looked down upon. There were a few who truly believed in their causes, and she allied herself with such. The first of which had been the senator of Alderaan, Bail Organa. Alderann and Naboo had deep ties with each other, each of their culture’s core beliefs overlapping. She was relieved the Bail felt similar to how she did, as with their backgrounds she felt like someone she could truly trust. He became a great ally, and an even greater friend. She found the senator of Chandrila, Mon Mothma, to be just as trustworthy as Bail. She shared Padme’s ideals of putting the government's power back in the hands of its people and that peace could be reached even between the most divided of groups. Bail Organa and Mon Mothma became her backbone of support, and in turn she was for them. They found others similar as well, but she always felt she could fully trust those two.

Even as her support grew, her opposition grew faster. Something Padme had to learn to accept was that there was a great deal of grey area between the actions she thought were needed and those she thought were unjust. Some senators refused to support bills and taxes that benefit other planets to safeguard their own people’s economy. Some senators allied with clearly corrupt senators and organizations to protect the wellbeing of their people, with the invasion of Naboo flashing across their eyes as she tried to gain their support. There were many senators who only looked down for the credits that lined their pockets, more lay in the ever confusing no man’s land of politics. The fact that to be alive is to make mistakes only complicated her judgments further. Navigating and finding where she lay with the senators who were not quite her allies and not quite her enemies became one of the most difficult parts of her job. If she wanted to make any of her or her allies’ proposition pass through the senate, she would need the support of the majority. She came to understand why some well meaning senators would seemingly abandon parts of their ideals to support a certain bill or law, it was a compromise. But she did not want to comprise her ideals if she could help it.

It was an uphill battle with difficulties growing and growing, but the process was made, however slow and small. She held firm through it all and never gave up on her belief that the democracy that lived on Naboo could come to be realized in the Republic as a whole. To do so would likely expand past her lifetime, but she would make an impact and there would be others to pass the torch down to when the time came for a new generation to uphold their values.

But there was a looming threat growing, that could pull the seams of the Republic apart long before she could reach her goals. The Separatist movement continued to rise, and while some worlds truly believed that it would be better to create a democracy from the ground up rather than cure the corruption of the Republic, many craved a different type of rule. Republic's anxiety on such Sepertist continued to rise and the long-lasting peace that had settled over the galaxy was threatened. Padme believed that democracy would prevail, the Republic had stood strong and sure throughout adversity before and through negotiations, an agreement could be forged. Mon Mothma agreed, supporting the idea that an agreement could be made with the Sepertist worlds. Bail Organa was confident that if they kept up their work in bettering the galactic government, the Sepertist would rejoin once it was clear that great progress was being made. However, support for a passive course of action was a minority. As Warhawks continued to gain more and more support, Naboo would be forced to choose a side very soon- to support the Sepertist or to support the warhawks instead of being allowed to promote democracy.

She was determined to show the senate to be reasonable, but before she could an attack halted her and took the life of a close friend. Her handmaidens had been with her since before she had been Queen, and they had grown to be a part of her. She understood on a level that it was their job to protect her, to take the bullet for her if need be and that was what Corde did for her. But her heart still broke with her loss. As a handmaiden, Corde had known what she represented and had been nothing but loyal to senator Amidala but to Padme she had been a friend, someone who she could trust with her unguarded self. Corde must have known that it was not Amidala but Padme who grieved when she apologized in her last moments for failing her. That she had served her duty as her handmaiden, but that in her death Padme would lose far more than that. She vowed in that moment that Corde’s death would not be in vain, that Padme would make the senate give her an audience and she would make her plead. Padme had already been determined to show the senate reason, and now her will had grown steadfast.

She hadn’t wanted to slow her campaign, that was the furthest from what she wanted to do but Chancellor Palpatine pleaded with her to think of her safety. She sympathised with her when she heard his voice, but regardless he was both Chancellor and former senator of Naboo so she was placed under the protection of two Jedi knights- bringing her face to face with a boy, now young man, she hadn’t seen for years. Anakin had been blatantly nervous yet happy to see her, and she couldn’t help to be happy as well despite the circumstances. If it weren’t for the looming threats, she would have liked to get to know what kind of man that the lively boy had grown to become.

It turned out that she would get the chance to. For her own safety, she was to go back to Naboo until the one truly behind her attempted assassination was found. She wished she didn’t have to step outside of the political realm, but her time with Anakin was… she didn’t quite know how to describe it. How to describe developing such intense feelings for someone so fast? She knew she shouldn’t, she knew that it would only lead to heartbreak but she couldn’t help it, and worst yet he felt the same. When she did finally give in, just for a moment, it felt so right until the reality of their situation came crashing down onto her. She could see his hopes and his heart break and she didn’t exactly know what she was feeling in return. But in the end, he was a Jedi and she was a senator. To become anything more than just that would endanger both of their paths. She didn’t want to saufice all she had been working for just for her own brief happiness, it wasn’t just herself but the millions on her homeworld and the even more in the galaxy she had made vows to.

She didn't want to hurt him more than he was already hurting, with visions of his mother haunting him. Anakin was clearly scared and confused, unsure of how to handle himself. She had always been told the only way to calm her fears was to confront them. However after they went to Tatooine, she wished she had never let him. He had only come back more tormented and with blood-soaked hands, and left her with even more conflicting feelings. She still cared for him, even with the blood of children on his hand. She didn’t know the full story, of who had been innocent and of who hadn’t but she couldn’t imagine that the children could have been in the wrong. She could see the regret in Anakin- of leaving his mother, of not coming back fast enough, of killing- but he had still committed such a sin. Despite that, she didn’t find herself scared of him. She felt compassion for his pain, but did not want to validate his actions.

She really had little ideas of how to handle either situation, of Anakin’s or of her own feelings, so when a distraction came she was thankful. A distraction less dire than Obi-wan being in danger would have been welcome, although. She wasn’t willing to leave Obi-wan to fend for himself while only transmitting the message to Coruscant. Their confrontation and what to do had been very emotionally charged but they did end up doing what she considered to be right, going to assist him by themselves rather than wait for the council's aid that could have come too late or not at all. Going to help him had gone less than favorable, and she truly felt that she might die there- that everything she worked would have been for nothing. That thought might have been why she gave in to her emotions. That if she was to die before she accomplished her goals as senator, then that in the end she would at least have been able to love fully without restraints. That didn’t mean she was ready to die, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t fight. And she did, she had the scars to show for it but she was alive, they all were. But the pain hadn’t ended in that arena, that fall hadn’t been an easy landing, to say the least. And then even later, her heart sank at what was becoming of the Republic.

Anakin's fight hadn’t ended in that arena either, her heart throbbed the first time she saw his forearm, but he had come back to her alive. Their time on Geonosis was the tipping point, they had almost died and she found that she didn’t want to die with regrets. She didn’t want to die with what-ifs and if-onlys. That didn’t mean she thought that it would be easy or that the aftereffects wouldn’t be drastic, but she didn’t regret taking Anakin as her husband. And she knew he didn’t regret taking her as his wife. It might had been rash, but she had made far more rash decisions in the past.

They fell into a rhythm, balancing their commitments to each other and their causes. She loved her husband dearly, but her commitment to the Republic was needed more than ever and was more demanding than ever. Even with how the tensions between worlds had been growing sharply, she hadn’t expected the war to escalate so fast, with both sides suddenly having fully functional armies seemingly overnight. Her tendency towards peaceful solutions was further dampened by the fact that the Republic's bureaucracy was still functioning as if they were at the beginning of the war, while the armies were as if they were in the middle. The mystery of how the Republic acquired such an army became irrelevant, the fact of the matter was that the Republic now had an army for the first time and was not afraid to use it. Her life and her role as senator changed, as it did for many others. She was often forced to focus on keeping the Republic together rather than on bettering it. Her diplomatic missions took on a higher sense of danger, with both Separatists and internal attacks to take into account. As such, clones often occupied roles as armored guards. Being nearly constantly surrounded by clones, or in some cases Jedi, changed her appearance into once she wasn’t fond of. Whether on mercy missions or diplomatic ones, with her guards she looked as if she was on a military one. With her handmaidens and officers from Naboo she had simply appeared as a senator, relatively harmless and not a threat. Now, there was always an air of suspicion or nervousness around those she greeted for peace talks.

She was against the use of clones on principal, and even more against creating more of them. If not for them, she wondered if such a large civil war would have begun. The droid factory she had seen, and many more that were being found across the galaxy, were undeniable proof that the Separatist had been preparing an army but if the Republic had not offered violent in return the threat of the droid army, it might have been enough to let them leave peacefully if the Republic extended an olive branch and broke a deal with the Sepertist.. She knew this wasn’t fully realistic, but couldn’t help but think thoughts like that when planets of those she knew were left scarred by the war.

But she couldn’t avoid working closely with clones at most times, and to be resentful at them for existing would be unreasonable- if for the fact alone that without them she might not have left Geonosis alive. She learned the names and became acquainted with a few of them, certain ones in the battalions under the command of Anakin and Obi-wan. But there was another of a different breed that particularly caught her heart. Neither herself or Anakin could have ever expected Ahsoka Tano, his sudden padawan. As she grew to know the girl, it seemed as if fate had it that she would be Anakin’s padawan. The fact that Anakin was her husband was a testament to how he followed his heart more than any rules set in stone, and Ahsoka hit that mark closely. Ahsoka definitely believed in the order and its rules, but she was far more outspoken and did not fit the model of what would be considered the perfect padawan, at least from what she could tell. Anakin allowed her much more freedom than Obi-wan had allowed him, even though it was clear from her perspective that Obi-wan had come to love him. She knew that Anakin warmed up to his padawan quickly and came to care for her, perhaps past what the code would allow. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

And oh did she wish she could treat Ahsoka like a family, as a daughter or sister. She never got to see Sola as much as she would have liked, but she wondered if that is how Sola would have felt towards her as her older sibling. Ahsoka had to have known about her and Anakin, even if he never told her himself. From conversations Padme had with her, it was clear that she knew they were together but she did not seem to mind. She didn’t think Ahsoka would have guessed that they were married, although. She wished she could have been more affectionate and present Ahsoka’s life, but she didn’t want to raise suspension onto Anakin and herself or to cause trouble for Ahsoka. When Ahsoka felt the order, Anakin wasn’t the only one left heartbroken.

But life went on, the war went on and the burden of their duties did not lighten. She tried and tried again to push notions of peace through the senate but very rarely did they make their way through- but she did not give in. To turn the tides against the Warhawks, money-driven, and morally corrupt was not a task she thought she could accomplish on her own but she hoped to inspire others. Senator Bail Organa often gave his support professionally as well as privately, and she could never express how much she valued having a friend such as himself in the senate with her. Burdens on her husband were just as unforgiving, he was more and more often called away to war- their time together shortened further. She understood the role he had to play, but that didn’t mean she didn’t fear for him.

It was in the heat of the most delicate time of the Republic when she found out that she was pregnant. Anakin was away at the time, and the last time they had gotten to see each other had been ever so brief. She didn’t want to tell him over the holo, although every time she saw his face, how relieved he was to see her, despite not even being in the same room as her, she yearned to tell him. When whispers came that the two generals that had gone to rescue the chancellor had been killed, she regretted even considering waiting to tell him. When they rejoined, the reunion had been bittersweet. She got to see her husband in person again and he got to learn that they would be having a family but it did not escape them how this would affect their positions. But they had made it work before, they could make it work again. She felt that even with tensions higher than ever, she could stay in control.

That was until the nightmares began again. She knew his look of distress, the same when he had seen his mother. She had done her best to comfort him, but it seemed like those memories were haunting them as well. He didn’t want to bet on faith, but his own strength- but that had nothing to do with it. He seemed so lost and disoriented already so she did not tell him such and hoped that it would come to him. But he slipped further and further away from her, right at there, but so distant. He grew more distrustful of even Obi-wan who was closest to them. She wasn’t sure how to help him or if she even could.

All the while the Republic she had poured her life into was falling apart. Palpatine, the one who in the earliest days of her career had supported her, had killed the democracy she would have died to preserve and only the very senators closest to her seemed to care. The Jedi were suddenly traitors, slaughtered for a reason she couldn’t imagine. She had no control as the world went to hell. The world progress uncontrollably in a direction she desperately wanted to steer away from.

At the very least, she thought there might be a chance she could shelter her family until they could work to fight back for a world as it should be. They could go into hiding, perhaps on Naboo or Alderaan, until the time came when they could fight back. There had to be many more like her who still believed in what the Republic stood for. It was far from ideal, but at least she could have some semblance of happiness and have her family with her. But it wasn’t until Obi-wan came to her did she realize that fate would not even allow her that. 

She hadn’t believed him at first, couldn’t, to the point where he had to show her. As she watched her husband murder children, ones just like how their child would be one day one- one question haunted her. Could she have prevented this? She knew that it would haunt her for years to come, for as long as she lived. 

On the ship to Mustafar, that question ate away at her. She could never forgive him for that, but all was not lost. She could bring him back to her with Obi-wan’s help. With the two of them, the two who were closest to Anakin, there was hope for him yet. He had done untold damage, but if anyone could face off against Palpatine it would be both Anakin and Obi-wan fighting together. Together, they had always been a force to be reckoned with. Even if they had to lay in wait for sometime, with the two of them they could gather up and protect others. Everything was not lost, things couldn’t go back to how they were but they still had a future.

She only lost that flicker of hope when her vision began to fade as invisible hands, Ani’s hands, wrapped around her neck. As the world went dark, she thought to herself what she had lived for- the Republic she dedicated her life to had fallen and her husband which she had dedicated her heart was gone. All those years, blown away like sand in the wind as if it all had been for nothing.

When she awoke, she felt as if all of her life was slipping away from her. Her strength left her, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to fight for what she believed in anymore- but someone would. She hoped Anakin would realize what he had done, that he had caused so much suffering, and he could never rid himself of that, but maybe he would be able to carry on her wishes, to not let the empire rule supreme. If not for her, then for their children. She wished she could watch them grow and prayed they would be better than either of their parents. That they could lead the next generation in a way that she and Anakin couldn’t, that would be able to build a tomorrow worth living for. A tomorrow she had always dreamt of. But she hoped that Anakin would be able to see it and that he would join in building it.

Born in her despair, Luke and Leia were her hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Padme is a character who knows who she wants to be and what she wants to do, yet that plays a part in her downfall. She is not blind to what is happening to Anakin, but she makes the choice to look away. She does the same with her righteous devotion to democracy and ideals of what the Republic should be, looking away when she acts outside out of those ideas for her own goals [mainly in the clone wars]. She is in no way alone in those, she is just a very interesting character to look at how even those with the best intentional can be hypocritical. She ends up hurting herself and letting others hurt her because she is so set in her idealized point of view.
> 
> More on the Chariot: "An erect and princely figure carrying a drawn sword correspondingly, broadly speaking, to the traditional description which I have given in the first part. On the shoulders of this victorious hero as supposed to be the Urim and Thummim. He has lead captivity captive, he is on a conquest on all planes- in the mind, in progress, in certain trails of initiation. [...] He is above all things a triumph in the mind" -Waite, Arthur Edward, 1857-1942. (2005). The pictorial key to the tarot. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications


	3. The Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fool ventures past the boundaries of the kingdom of her childhood to venture into new lands. Only her elegant garments lend notation to the fact that she yielded from royalty, for she had lost any jewels or crown she once had. She invites both the dangers and adventures that await her on her journey, knowing that only with one can the other exist. The Fool knows that she is foolish, but also knows that great feats can only be accomplished by putting faith where others might not. She is not without fear, for she knows her fears all too well. Yet she still puts her life at stake in heed of remaining stagnant. Even her kingdom fades from the horizon, now only a memory, she continues forward.

Time seemed to stand still as Leia gazed at the space where her home planet should have resided. All that was left to suggest Alderaan's existence was a meager asteroid field. Alderaan’s rolling hill and its high snow-dusted peaks, its lush forests and expansive plains, its crystal rivers and lapis oceans- all that had encompassed the natural beauty of Alderaan that seemed untouched by man, despite the brilliant culture her people had built, had been destroyed within seconds. The empty space and scorched rock in its place were now the graves of millions and her only grave in its own right. She felt a part of her die with Alderaan, she felt the girl she once was disappear in the blast with her parents, her people. She could never go back to the land of her childhood, the land where she had felt that even if the galaxy fell apart, she could always return to.

But she could never go back, she could never regain what was lost. Her home was no more and soon her rebels would be too. She didn't have any means of knowing if the Death Star plans had made it to Obi-wan or any of the rebels. And without them, the rebellion didn't stand a fighting chance against the space station. She felt so small, so helpless. She had nowhere to run to, even if she could break away from her guards, she would be captured again within seconds. Without being armed, she had no chance to fight her way through them either. 

As Leia awaited her death in her cell, she couldn’t help but remember it all:

She loved her father and mother. Bail always had seemed so steadfast and strong in his conviction, even when fighting an uphill battle against the injustices the Empire tried to impose. Breha never faltered with her belief in her heritage and her people, never losing sight of Alderann’s future and the coming generations. Leia admired both of them, as political figures and people. However, she couldn't have helped but see them as her parents before anything else. While she had not been related to them by blood, it hadn't mattered to any of them or even to Alderann’s people. She remembered those days when she had been very young, having been in her father's arms as he read and responded to all the documents on his desk, all while carrying her around as if she weighed nothing. She remembered her mother’s hands when had she taken her and told her that she would grow to be a wonderful princess and become a source of pride to them all. That she would always love her little princess so much, no matter how big she would grow. She remembered her parents welcoming hugs when she came home after long days of etiquette training or junior political work. They had always supported her, telling her that with hard work she could do anything she wanted.

She remembered how her interest in politics only grew as she got older. The Republic itself had been spoken of very little when she was a young child, only mentioned in slander for the sake of glorifying the Empire, but its values were not lost on her. Her parents had been cunning in a way she hadn't realize until years later, working the merits of the Republic into Alderaan’s traditional values so fluidly. She had begun to believe in democracy, in the democracy of the Republic that she had never been able to see. But she had hoped that one day there would be a new democracy that overtook the Empire.

She remembered when she had decided to follow in her father’s footsteps when she was old enough to be elected as Senate, just as she would follow in her mother’s someday when she inherited the throne as future Queen of Alderaan. She had been easily elected, Alderaan had always been affectionate towards her and she had thanked her people for that. She had always been trying to improve the life of her people just as her mother had been with taking in young girls to help them find their paths, but she had wished to improve the lives of the galaxy at large as much as she could. As a senator, she had believed she would have the opportunity to do so.

It turned out that she had been overly optimistic. The Senate hadn't been the same Senate that her parents had told her of in the days of the Republic. It had become nothing more than a puppet, with the Emperor holding the real power. She had become to believe that the Emperor only kept the Senate around for his entertainment, a cruel performance of his absolute power. She imagined that he only just now dissolved the Senate when it turned into something more bothersome than entertaining. But at the time she had tried regardless. It hadn't been the Alderaan way to give up- it hadn't been her way to give up. And she had done do some good, but not enough as she would have liked. Her efforts had often branded her in the Senate as undesirable, with the fear that associating with her strong voice would cause them to become a target- labeled as treasonist and marked to be eliminated. It hadn't just paranoia, senators had been known to mysteriously disappear, rumored that the inquisitors took care of them. She had known the danger she had been putting herself in, always toeing the line of how far she could get because the senators that had truly taken things too far had not been just rumored to be, but had been publicly executed by the Emperor's prized hound, Darth Vader. But that dance had not been enough for her, she had wanted to do more good. It had been frustrating that so many were suffering and even more turned their eyes away from it.

As her blood boiled, it had morphed into rebellion. 

Her parents had always known her too well, they had been able to tell her changing ideology. They had asked her to come back from Coruscant to Alderaan urgently, having implied that it was not safe to speak over holocomms. She had pulled herself away from her work as soon as she could and boarded a shutter to Alderaan, under the pretense of having to counsel her planet’s government deeply in person to act as a better representative of her people. It had been empty words to the rest of the Senate who did not care, neither did the Emperor’s dogs, which had worked perfectly into her palm. When she had arrived, her parents greeted her all the same but their demeanor had been different, in a way she had only seen briefly before- between cracked doors and low whispers. They had immediately brought her to a private room and locked the door and took her of their past, and of the future, they were fighting for.

It had been then she found that her love of democracy was rose-tinted, the widows to the soul of the Republic had soaked in the blood of countless.

Her parents hadn't sugar-coated the past, it had been the first time Leia ever heard them speak of the clone war. She had learned more about her father’s role as a senator, that he was in a similar position that she was. That the Republic had been sick, it had become corrupt, and there had been others alongside him working to fix and keep the Republic together. But at a point both her parents had hesitated, looking at each other in almost a fearful way before her father had turned back to her. He told her about another senator that had been just as headstrong and dedicated as she was, a senator from Naboo- Padme Amidala. That Padme had been a close friend and ally, having fought together both in the Senate and outside of it. He had told her that Padme had died still believing in the good in people. They then had told her they both shared those beliefs but had insisted that they must live, that she must live. They had told her that there were so many others that died for their beliefs and that they must carry on, for both themselves and those who had passed.

She tried to tell herself the same thing as she lay gazing at the ceiling of her dull cell. That she must live, she must fight for Alderaan. That she must fight for her parents. That she must fight for herself, even if she couldn't change anything. She decided then that no matter who came for her, she would be brave and hold her head tall. She might not be able to physically overwhelm them, but she had a sharp tongue. She would not go down quietly. She could let it all be for nothing, even if all she could do was a small act of defiance. 

Of all people, Leia didn't expect for a boy with stars in his eyes to greet her, in armor too big for him and a voice so hopeful in a way she wished hers could be. She didn’t expect a smug man who gave off the impression of someone too full of themselves and definitely not a Wookiee either. Luke told her they were here to rescue her, but they were doing a very poor job of it. She had thought they were rebels at first, but they clearly lacked experience. The Rebellion would not have sent such inexperienced men to help her, so she concluded that they must be acting of their own accord. Nevertheless, she was being given the chance to escape the jaws of death and she was not going to squander it- meaning she would have to take the lead whether they liked it or not. And of all palaces she imagined herself going after she got out of that cell, none of them had been even remotely close to a garbage compressor, but they made it out alive and that was what mattered. Their trek back to the ship that the four of them- she learned that Obi-wan had come to her aid as well- was not without issue. The station had been alerted of their presence and in such a massive complex it was easy to get lost. She felt death nip at her heels more than once, enough so that when she saw what easily could have been a taped together piece of garbage that was Han’s and Chewie’s ship she was ready to go with little protest. The stormtroopers were hot on their heels, each shot of their blasters threatening death- they had no reason to keep any of them alive anymore, there would be no stun setting this time. 

Leia heard the telltale hum of a lightsaber when the stormtroopers jogged away from the ship, but she ignored any fear she had and ran with the ragtag group she had become a part of. They were so close, but she felt Luke peel off from them. She followed his eyes and found the man she had begged for help engaged in a battle with no other than the Emperor’s shadow, Vader. With Luke’s scream, the scream she wished to let out when the Death Star’s beam obliterated Alderaan, she knew his world had fallen apart as well. However, he had a blaster in his hand which he could turn on Vader and the troopers, unlike how she had been unarmed with no means to take Vader’s or Tarkin’s life. But a blaster couldn’t kill that beast, her rebels had tried time and time again. So she called to Luke as Han did, they didn’t have much time if they were to escape with their lives- and they must live for themselves and those they had lost. The boy finally did turn and run up the ramp and the ship- the Millennium Falcon.

She felt she could finally take a breath as the ship pulled out of the hanger. She took a few seconds to herself and leaned against the wall- breathing deeply, feeling her lungs expand, feeling alive. After everything, she was still alive. She squeezed her eyes shut, as she mourned her loss for a moment. There would be a time when she would weep and curse the Empire for its grandiose sins after the Death Star was destroyed. She remembered as her parents had always told her, and she could mother's voice- be brave Leia, be brave. So when she opened her eyes she steeled her nerves. She was Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan, Princess of her homeworld that would always live inside of her. She wouldn’t let the Empire win, she would let them take Alderaan from her, even now. She found her center and held onto it, held onto this truth. When she went to Luke she clung to this truth as his voice echoed her own pain, she didn’t know if her words were more directed to him or herself. She was grateful in an odd way when Han came for them, capturing Luke’s and her own attention away from grieve.

She went to join Chewie as the other two went to man the guns. She just hoped that the ship could actually make it in a dogfight without falling apart with how it rocked with every shot it took. The rush of joy and relief when all the tie fighters were destroyed was a welcome feeling before her mind shifted into more serious manners. The question of why the ship had been left alone in the hangar even after the station had to have been alerted had been in the back of her mind, but she had been more focused on not dying. And considering that the Death Star is a fully operational space station, the imperials should have sent out more tie fighters to capture or disable them. The imperials were fully capable of doing both of these things, so that left only one answer: they were allowed to escape. But even so, they didn't have any other options but to return to the base. After telling them that, with Han not buying it, she was surprised when she actually had to tell them the location of the rebel base. She had expected Han, Chewie, and Luke to be some sort of inexperienced rebels acting on their own accord but Han clearly had different ideas. It made sense, considering his personality of so full of himself that it was to the point of being obnoxious, but she supposed that was just how some men are. Luke seemed idealist enough to become a rebel, however. She wondered how he ended up with such a man with a shark difference in personalities.

As they made their way to Yavin, she had to put faith in those Death Star plans. Not just for the sake of the rebellion, but for her own revenge as well. With the tracker on them, they would definitely lead the Death Star to the rebel base but it was the best chance they had to stop any other planets from suffering Alderaan’s fate. Her heart did drop when she learned that their only chance was a small thermal exhaust port only two meters wide, but she had to have faith in her rebels as they had faith in her to deliver the plans. She knew that even with the Death Star’s loose defenses, they would lose men in the assault- but it was a sacrifice they had to make.

She walked the deck before the fight, encouraging her rebel- the pilots did smile at her, a smile she knew too well. A mask of sorts, bravery over fear but choosing to overcome it and do what needed to be done. She wished she could join them, but she wasn’t good enough of a pilot to not get in the way, so she needed to show her support as much as they could before she left. Before she returned to the control room, one pilot caught her eye, the one she came with. Luke was unsettled, but she didn’t get a sense of fear from him. It turned out upset about Han, and she hated that she understood in a way. A tiny voice in her had believed he would stay to help but, but at least they had Luke on their side. Every single man counted.

They only had fifteen minutes to tear their lives from the jaws of death. To show the galaxy instead of collective fear at dread at the imperial rule, there was hope for a future that was better than the years past.

The first trench run failed, and so did the second. Her heart beat faster and faster as the Death Star approached, their time quickly running out. She prayed that they would make it, but it was looking bad. She hoped that her parents had not seen the Death Star as it approached Alderaan, that they didn’t experience this depth of dread. But against all odds, Luke made the shot. And even more surprising was that Han did come through in the end, giving Luke the cover he needed. She had ended up being the one to save them the first time they came to rescue her, and they became the one to save her. 

When she placed the metals on the two of them, she felt a bond between them all she could not describe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leia is one of the most dynamic characters in star wars. She stays true to herself, but learns and grows just as much as Luke. These next few chapters will be focused on her and how she embarks on her own hero's journey.
> 
> More on the Fool: "With light step, as if earth and its trammels had little power to restrain him, a young man in gorgeous vestments pauses at the brink of a precipice among the great heights of the world; he surveys the blue distance before him-its expanse of sky rather than the prospect below. His act of eager walking is still indicated, though he is stationary at the given moment; his dog is still bounding. The edge which opens on the depth has no terror; it is as if angels were waiting to uphold him, if it came about that he leaped from the height. His countenance is full of intelligence and expectant dream. He has a rose in one hand and in the other a costly wand, from which depends over his right shoulder a wallet curiously embroidered. He is a prince of the other world on his travels through this one-all amidst the morning glory, in the keen air. The sun, which shines behind him, knows whence he came, whither he is going, and how he will return by another path after many days. He is the spirit in search of experience."-Waite, Arthur Edward, 1857-1942. (2005). The pictorial key to the tarot. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications


	4. The Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lovers know not that they are Lovers until they find themselves wishing to be.
> 
> Traveling further into the lands, she finds herself companions in adversity. Together, they form a clan, relaying on each other. Each of them yields from a different past, yet each finds kinship among one another. However, some bonds are stronger than others. She finds that while many share her mind, fewer share her heart. And then there is one she doesn't quite know what she shares with, but wishes to find out. The one feels the same. Together, they discover that their hearts are interlocked. Rather than pull apart, they welcome each other. And together, they come to realize that they are Lovers. But, by a twist of fate, she finds herself one half of a suit before they can join as one.

The rebellion had gained more support with the destruction of the Death Star, but the Empire, in turn, had increased its headhunt for rebels trifold as the years passed. The Empire had been merciless, driving even those only suspected of supporting the Rebellion out of their homes, to be killed or captured. They lost their footholds in the Core and Mid Worlds one by one as each of their bases had been raided and taken over by the Empire. The rebels who had escaped tried to take everything they could, and destroy everything they couldn’t, but the imperials still had got their hands on records of many of their other bases. When it had become apparent that the Empire would set fire to their foxholes, she had agreed with the decision to issue an order for the rebellion at large to abandon their bases as the Empire advanced- which then had posed the problem of scrambling to find a suitable place to establish themselves.

It had been Luke who had suggested Hoth of all places. It hadn’t even been on the rebel’s radar when he pointed it, due to its harsh climate. He had just smiled and said that the Empire always overlooked its Outer Rim territories and even more so the ones with its harsh climate- that it was likely that they had once tried to establish themselves but let go after they found it wasn’t worth it. As it turned out, he had been right. Given that it was his suggestion, he had led the expedition and had found that there was, indeed, an abandoned imperial base. The rebels quickly began to made use of the base, allowing the remote planet to become their base of operation, free from imperial interference. However, anxiety was still high as they tried to function on a base and climate that many simply struggled to adapt to. Thoughts of the Empire always snuck into her mind, knowing that if the imperial star fleet located them, the old base’s defenses wouldn’t hold for long. But they all began to settle, the more experienced rebels first, having been used to moving more often and with working with less than favorable equipment. The days went on quietly for a while. They were not making much progress in establishing the rebellion in other systems and firming up their own resistance, as the Empire was trigger-happy at chasing any notion of disobedience. They had only been able to gain strains of knowledge from their informant, much of which they already knew- mainly that Vader was chasing the boy who shot the fatal blow to the Death Star.

They continued their work nevertheless, the rebellion had always thrived in the face of adversity. While she continued to study tactics, her strength was in political maneuvering. She had the utmost power in recruitment, her status as one to escape impressment in the Death Star, and that the Princess of Alderaan who carried on her peoples’ fight even when they were gone appealed to those just on the lines of supporting the rebels, pulling them over. They were in desperate need of supplies and ships, while they could never hope to compete with the imperial star fleet in numbers, providing their pilots with the best equipment and training they could gave the rebels a fighting chance in smaller skirmishes.

All the while, she became closer to Luke and Han. Both of them gained attention as key fighters in the battle of Yavin, and still maintained a sense of respect among the rebels after the initial hype died down. Luke was loyal to a fault, falling into place within the rebellion with ease. He continued to present his skills as a pilot, finding comradery among the other pilots. He was able to make fast friends with most of the rebels. He was an open book at times, she always found him exceedingly easy to talk to. It felt they often were in tune with each other's emotions, with him being able to read her just as she would expect from her childhood friends. It turned out Han did stay around, despite his protests at the beginning. He tried to remain aloof, with the attitude that he only cared about himself. But more often than not, she found that it was more of a mask for his emotions to distant most others. It was given that his co-pilot was exempted from this, as he was very close to Chewie. She didn’t know exactly what they had gone through together, only snippets from the both of them that were likely half-truths rather than fully false or fully true, but they must have gone through hell and back at each other's side. Han was very fond and even protective of Luke, he would say things like he only liked Luke because he could handle himself decently but that was easy to see through. She had to admit, herself and Han had become closer than they had started, at least. He could be charming at times, but only when he wasn’t trying. It was those times when he truly showed he cared about others that made her think twice about him. He could be a good listener at times, with them exchanging stories. He claimed he couldn’t care less about politics, but he still humored her by asking about her past in the Senate. They both held their more personal past close to home, Alderaan was still difficult to talk about. His ability to be witty and sharp responses let them play off of each other on the same playing field- her time in the Senate hadn’t been completely useless. Of course, that was only an annoyance when they argued, which still was often, but he wasn’t always unbearable as she got the first impression he would be. It seemed like he really did have a chance of heart, or that she had pegged him for the wrong type of guy.

Which made it all the more biting when he showed her he was still the same smuggler that she met on the Death Star. She knew that it was true that he had a bounty, but any imperial loyalist or ones looking for a quick way for money or social status would just as easily be willing to take her head as well. It was irritating and self-centered that he couldn’t look past that. She knew he didn’t have the same devotion to the rebellion as Luke, but she thought he had at least come to care for their cause after sticking with them for years. The arguing didn’t help maintain that air of distance she had attempted to create between her and Han. Afterward, she realized that no one had looked surprised or even irritated at their less than nonchalant near shouting match in the hall- someone had even squeezed past them like it was nothing. She didn’t know if she was more irritated at herself or that damn smuggler for that.

Amidst it all, Luke had been lost- he hadn’t come back and night was soon to fall. Han had gone after him and hadn’t come back either. She knew the dangers of the night, Hoth’s already extreme temperatures dropping further. She was no stranger to losing men in battle, but this wasn’t battle. She found herself conflicted, logically knowing that there was little chance of them coming back and to focus on her work but her emotions that ached at imagining their loss. She tried not to show how troubled she was, but her fellow rebels made way for her to be alone despite the workload they all had. She didn’t want to give up with them, but if the doors weren’t closed she would be risking the lives of those around her and the structural integrity of their base. So she made the call, agreeing to close the doors- she had too.

She should know better by now how easy life was lost, how easily those close to you could be taken away. She should be ready for it, prepared after all that had happened to her. But she was not, she was human, after all. Even when she wanted to be a symbol of hope and resistant, a perfect leader to uplift and invigorate her rebels, the Princess of Alderaan proud and true who showed that in the face of heavy losses that the Empire could never stripe who of who you chose to be, she was still a person like all others. A person who hurt just as badly when she feared for those she carried about.

The relief and happiness did not stand out against the rest, all of them were happy that Luke and Han were okay, which was just how she liked it. Luke was worse for the wear, but he and Han were alive and that’s what mattered. She knew Luke would make a full recovery in no time and be able to speak to them soon. When she did come to speak to Luke, she didn’t get a chance to say a word before Han took the chance to immediately imply that she was forcing him to stick around. He was useful to the rebellion, ignoring any personal feelings she had for him- and she wasn’t the reason he was to stay as he implied. She did feel affection towards Luke, but it was more out of spite for Han than romantic feelings that prompted her to kiss Luke.

That man was full of contradictions, just when Han was showing he wasn’t committed to the rebellion he decided to check an unknown signal. She couldn’t tell if he was flaky or dependable. They did manage to destroy it, but it was, unfortunately, a probe droid- their safe haven was no more. They would have to evacuate, and soon at that. The base became buzzing with activity, and Leia was caught up into trying to organize the chaos. 

Her mind was racing attempting to do all she could to assist and organize the evacuations when Luke came to her and pulled her aside and to tell her he had to go to Dagobah and that Ben told him to meet Yoda there. She was conflicted, Luke had told her before that he heard Ben through the force- and she believed in the force and believed in Luke but the rebellion really could use him. But when she saw that look in his eyes, it told her all she needed to agree. Luke seemed relieved that she gave him her goodwill, but she suspected he would have gone regardless. She was glad that Luke reassured her he would stay to help hold off the Empire before he left. She trusted that Luke would come back when the rebellion truly needed him again, and she wanted to keep the relationship good between her and Luke.

All attention was on her when she briefed the pilots, she hated that she was spreading them so thin but it was necessary. She put her trust in her rebels, they could make- they had to. She would stay in the command center, for her to leave first would be to say she didn’t trust them to fully carry out the operation. Celebration spread as the first transport escaped, raising morale.

She knew an imperial ground assault would be coming, that it would be where the real fight would begin. The aerial units, led by Luke as commander, headed out to assist the ground units. The shielding on the AT-AT walkers was heavier and more resistant than expected, taking the blasts without halting. Her heart began to race, but Luke’s fast thinking to shift to going for the legs with harpoons was a sound plan. The pilots and ground teams were doing their best and taking down the walkers, but they were running out of time. She had to take the risk of sending two transports out at a time. The decision to evacuate two transports at once forced everything forward, causing chaos. But she suddenly remembered Han and Chewie working on the Millennium Falcon, and she worried that their work wasn’t done and they would be trapped. She knew Han would rather die than leave that ship behind. Just as he was on her mind, Han showed up. She was almost angry that he had come looking for her after the stunt he pulled earlier- showing his soft side in a time like this. He refused to leave without her, pulling her in front of him and forcing her forwards. 

Leia issued the order to fall back and get to the transports and for the ground and aerial teams to come in. She heard that Luke crashed but took down a walker by himself- he was always pulling off foolish risks like that. She heard the sounds of the remaining snowspeeder docking in ready to switch into the transports. As the base fell apart Han shielded her all the way. They ran towards the Falcon as imperials flooded the base, she hoped that thing was functional enough to fly. Han insisted that she would fly and make it. It was unsurprising when the Falcon managed to take down troopers in the hangar before they took off, he was full of himself- one day he would be taken down a size and she would be the one who got to be smug. But now, she just wanted to get out of this deathtrap. The Falcon got out of the hanger just in time, she wasn’t sure if the structure would hold for much longer with how the imperials bore down on the base.

She hoped Luke made it back to his X-Wing, she made sure it was prepared beforehand. Thankfully, she was able to confirm that he did with C-3PO and the rebels over the comms. She assumed he would be heading right off to Dagobah alone and not regroup with them. The force was on his side, she knew he would make it past the Imperial Star Destroyers, she just wished the circumstances were different so she could wish him luck in person one last time.

Once out of the atmosphere, Tie Fighters and the Star Destroyers were hot on their tail. The Falcon was taking hits but also avoiding others- Han wasn’t half bad as pilot, but she wouldn’t let him know she thought that. They were being closed in one, but Han was smug as ever until they tried to jump to lightspeed- that was until they learned the hyperdrive engine was damaged. Both Han and Chewie rushed back to do what they could, leaving her in the cockpit. That didn’t last for long before Han decided that suicide was better than getting shot down by flying into an asteroid field. His reasoning was less than sound if she was being generous. It would be crazy for those Star Destroyers to follow but it was just as crazy for them to take the risk. But admittedly, even with how bad the idea was she couldn’t come up with something better at the moment. Was he trying to show off his skills? Well, if he was he picked the worst time to do so. It didn’t seem so since Han was doubting himself- that was new. Even Chewie seemed reluctant to follow Han’s lead, but they didn’t have a choice. Without the hyperdrive, the Falcon wouldn’t be able to escape. At least the tie fighter had been taken care of when they took the risk of landing deep within an asteroid.

The asteroid was just as stable as the Falcon in its current state- which was not at all. Unfortunately, the rocking landed her in Han’s arms again, giving him a chance to make a move again. She was too tired from everything to deal with him, so after his remark she just let him head off without an argument in denying his implication. Now was not the time to sort out either of their feelings, neither was it the time for rest. She headed back to help do what she could for the Falcon but went for the damage away from the hyperdrive, so away from Han. Han ended up showing up anyways because of course he would, but she still startled when he reached out. She didn’t know if it was exhausting causing her irritation or just Han, but she snapped at him- the phrase, your Worshipness, had always bothered her. But he seemed to actually listen, his tone becoming soft and more genuine. He still had that sarcastic tone, but she could tell he wasn’t actually arguing with her. And yes, he was pleasant to be around at times- perhaps more often than she liked to admit it. If she had to put up with that nickname he gave her, then it was only fair to call him a scoundrel. But he took it in stride, surprising her and the feeling she got for it was confusing, to say the least, and not one she wanted at the moment. His hands were warm over him, and she didn’t like that she didn’t mind it. Saying her hands were dirty was a poor excuse and he knew it. She didn't know what to think of her emotions- Han was so different than the rebels she had grown used to. She wondered if that was part of the reason she was drawn to him and part of the reason he was drawn to her. When he kissed her, she kissed back. He was different from the men she thought she would like, and she found she didn’t mind that. But the moment was fleeting when they were brought back to reality, back from where it felt like only the two of them existed. The interruption gave her a chance to escape, with her emotions tangled and her heart racing. Thinking back, his heart had been racing just like hers. Had he been nervous, despite his confined exterior?

She began lost in her thoughts only for a few minutes before she was startled by something flying against the Falcon. Han insisted on going out, once again protective of his ship. She and Chewie did follow, not wanting Han to get himself killed. The ground and atmosphere felt off, and she couldn’t shake the bad feeling. Han and Chewie were familiar with the creatures, treating them as almost harmless nuisances but that didn’t change that she didn’t like them flying at her. But Han stopped, struck by a thought and shot down and the shaking increased violently, nearly knocking her off her feet. He stumbled to helped her up into the Falcon as they rushed to the cockpit- following him confused by his sudden decision to move out with the Empire still watching for them. He barely paid attention to her concerns, just brushing her off, irritating but not surprising. It’s not like they could even make the jump to lightspeed at the movement, but she understood why Han was so eager to leave as the realization set in that they were indeed not in a cave but a creature.

The imperials were still lurking around, a Star Destroyer closer than ever. They were taking heavy damage, they needed to jump to lightspeed immediately. But of course, fate would have it that the engine stalled once more. Han seemed truly confused for once, but still recovered to form yet again another plan she wasn't sure was the best. Han was a man who truly looked out for what he cared about, namely himself but he did include her and Chewie in the equation as of late, so she put her trust in his plan of attack regardless of the odds. Surrender obviously wasn’t an option, she was the only one with a chance for survival simply for the sake of prying Luke’s location from her. But Han was confident in what he was doing and she could say that the confidence fully was earned this time. He knew imperial protocols closely. Without that knowledge, they would have been done for.

But they did need to know where to go next, somewhere close. It wasn’t a bad idea to go somewhere where Han had an ally, apparently Lando in Bespin- but she could do without the teasing. Well, according to Han, ally would be a strong word but nevertheless. It was impressive to see Han at what she thought was his best. With that, now was as good as a time as any to let herself just follow her feelings. Han had still been focused on the task at hand, but she knew her affection reached him.

She had never been to Bespin, but the planet was beautiful and perhaps when their lives weren’t at risk and the Empire wasn’t at large, it would be a nice place to visit. But she had to put dreaming like that behind her at the moment since they might not be in Bespin for much longer seeing how Han would struggle to even land, let alone get help. Han’s anxiety wasn’t reassuring either that persisted even after they landed. She genuinely thought that this Lando character might have tried to kill Han before he went in for a hug. Still, Leia was unnerved. She wasn’t a fan of how his attitude switched when he saw her, she already had her plate full with one scoundrel, although he seemed a lot more civil than Han. It didn't make him more appealing, however. It seemed she was less interested in the scoundrel part of Han than the rest of him.

Cloud City lived up to its name in placement and it's in the interior, dressed in the same clear whites as clouds. She followed along with the conversation that Han was having with Lando, hoping to figure out more about his character and if it would be safe to stay in Cloud City, even for a short. She was so focused that she didn't notice that C-3PO was not following them until Chewie pointed it out. It seemed that the poor droid got lost. He could be annoying at him but he had grown on her, not unlike a certain someone. She was going to offer to find him, but Chewie said he would first. It made sense, he and Han both seemed to have been in the city before.

Lando led them to a room where they could rest, with a droid bringing them more climate-appropriate clothes to change into. It was nice to get the chance to change and rest, but it had been too long for C-3PO to have just gotten lost on his own and the atmosphere of the place felt wrong. It was like she could sense something coming. Han tried to reassure her to his credit, but she couldn’t trust Lando. Han agreed with her, but it was empty. She could tell that he shared a bond with Lando, not unlike the one he shared with Chewie, even if it was fainter. It might have been her anxiety talking causing her to doubt Han as well, she hadn’t really been able to calm down since their escape. They had only truly gotten very close, closer than she could imagine in such a short time, closer than she was ready to admit. But when Han looked at her, he was unguarded, no mask. He hadn’t said anything, he wasn’t ready to make the commitment in words either, but they both knew without words.

Chewie came back soon after with C-3PO in pieces from the junk pile. Han suggested that Lando could help, but she found that Lando had helped plenty if he had a hand in what happened as she thought. It seemed he was summoned by her thoughts as he came then. She grabbed the shawl closer, not sure how to respond to his presence. His compliments fell right off her, not making her feel much of anything. When Han came next to her, she willingly let him put his arm on her shoulder and walked next to him. But the contact was gentle enough that he would have let her pull away if she wanted. As they walked together, he actually let her choose to wrap her arm around his. She also appreciated that Han had taken her advice to not talk to Land about their droid, but it was a little late seeing C-3PO was in shambles right in front of him.

Lando’s little talk unnerved her as they walked, and Han seemed to catch that something was off about his tone. The little look Lando gave Han was enough for her to tell Han they needed to leave. But before she could speak she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of Vader. Han moved in front of her protectively and took shots at Vader but it was useless, none of them affecting him and his blaster being pulled by a phantom hand, flying across the room. They grasped at each other, his pulse racing even while he was able to keep his hand from shaking. They walked into the room hand in hand, a silent agreement that they were in this together. That he would not leave her, that she knew he was truly devoted for the first time.

She had heard the scream from the small cell she was put in, a sickening familiar reminder of the last time she met Vader face to face. She wasn’t there much longer before stormtrooper came from her, harshly shoving her into a different dimly lit room. She was going to snap back at them, but when she saw Han she immediately went to him. She needed to know why they were hurting him so badly, but it had been torture for the sake of torture. Cruelty without a clear point. She didn’t know what was to come, but now at the very least, she could comfort him. She returned his gesture from earlier, a gentle kiss to the forehead that he used to try to settle her own fears.

When Lando came, she wanted him to get as far away from Han as possible after selling his friends out like that. But she did listen to what he had to say, not because she trusted him but because if he could tell her even the slightest clue on she could get them out of this, she would take it. She was angry, beyond angry that they had been set up like this as bait. Now not only they were in danger but so was Luke. In the end, all they got was all the more reason to be infuriated and Han getting injured worse than he already was when he tried to attack Lando.

When they were escorted out and restrained by stormtroopers, she expected them to be put to death- but this was far worse. She was familiar with carbon freezing, her education on Alderaan had been extensive, and she knew the risks. And Han, he was right that Chewie couldn’t stop this. Even if they got out of the room the place was crawling with troopers but he could have taken the chance but he didn’t. He didn’t so that her chances would be better. That damn fool, once again showing his true colors at the worst time. She stole one last kiss, they had no time to talk. He was ripped from her far too soon, it all happened far too soon- they had only just truly found each other.

I love you, those where the words she had been afraid to say before. But now, they were the words she needed to say more than anything.

He knew, he knew. She wished she could tell him so much more, how much she had come to care but he knew. She could never find the words before, she wished he had, but she would be able to in the future. She had to believe that. She wouldn’t lose another she loved, she had already lost so much. She refused to let the Empire take more from her. She had let her rage overtake her she was led away and formed it into determination. She let in fester and burn within her, fueling her need to take what was rightfully hers. She had every right to be allowed to be happy, to be allowed to love.

When the tables turned and the stormtroopers were suddenly the ones hostage, she let her emotions run free instead of logically working out what happened. When Chewie grabbed Lando, she wished it had been her hands around his throat. It was only after he said the east platform did she decide to convince Chewie to let him go. He wasn’t worth it, but Han was. They had to move fast.

Fuck, they got there too late. As she watched that ship fly away with Han, she swore she wouldn’t rest until she saw that bounty hunter dead. But to do that, they had to escape with their lives. She wasn’t going to die, not now. Each trooper she shot down felt like a little act of revenge. Leia almost didn’t let Lando come with them, and thought about turning her gun on him, but he knew more about the criminal underworld than her. She would need that information.

The Falcon was a sight for sore eyes, a means of escape and a part of Han with how much he loved that bucket of bolts. Now they had to find Luke, if Vader didn't already got to him. She wouldn’t leave him behind, although it put their lives in more danger. She felt him, she knew he was alive, she knew where he was. She didn’t know how but she didn’t care. She held him close, he was alive, hurt but alive. Seeing him barely hanging on to the bottom of the city, beaten and bloody her heartbroken for the second time in one day. She didn’t know what she would have done if she had gotten there too late. She couldn’t think about it. Once Lando helped Luke down into the Falcon, she stayed next to him. He was in pain, physically and mentally. She could tell that it was something more than just being defeated in battle, but neither of them were in a state to pry at each other's mental state. She just did what she could for his hand and stayed close. His presence comforted her, and hers comforted him. At that moment, they each didn't know the full reason beyond the other's pain but empathy flowed between them.

She did eventually tell Luke what had happened to Han on their way to a medical center where he could be properly treated. Once Luke had become more aware, he had immediately asked what happened to them- asking if she was okay, if Chewie was okay, and if Han was okay in rapid succession. She lost her words for a moment, not sure how to tell Luke what happened. Luke's eyes suddenly focused sharply before he looked up at her and hesitated for a second before he said that he couldn't feel Han with them. She nodded, her throat still dry. Luke didn't ask more of her at the moment, just leaned into her, and wrapped his one arm around her. She turned her head into his shoulder, letting silent tears fall. They stayed like that for a while, and even when they pulled apart they still remained at each other's side.

After in hyperspace, Chewie and Lando did come and explain the rest to Luke. She hated the guilt that seemed to consume Luke when he realized that they had been used as a trap for him. She let him be, knowing better than anyone that he would need space to process it. She found herself able to speak again when the conversation shifted from what happened to what to do next. Their immediate plan was to get Luke treatment and a prosthetic. After that, she reluctantly admitted that she would have to return to her position in the rebellion and couldn't fully go on a quest to save Han. Chewie reassured her that she was doing the right thing, which was exactly what she needed to hear from the exact person. Chewie was closer to Han than anything else, knowing that he didn't resent her for what happened took a small burden off her back. But he insisted that if she needed anything that she should ask him. Lando swore he would do everything he could to save Han and help the rebellion. Luke agreed, saying that he would let his friend stay like that, but that he also needed to get stronger. Altogether, a pact was formed between them that they all would go to the ends of the galaxy if it was what it took to make things right.

As she looked out into space, watching the Falcon take off with Luke by her side, she knew they could do it. They wouldn’t just get Han back, they would take the Empire down. Call it justice, call it revenge, she didn’t care. She wouldn’t let injustices continue to happen, her resolve was firmer than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Leia, the empire strikes back is all about devolving how she interacts with others. Between a new hope and to the end of empire, I believe she grows to be able to make close connections again. In some ways, her trust in others had to be broken with Alderaan. Naturally, after such a great lost anyone would be weary of truly connecting with others, because it would risky losing someone again.
> 
> More on the Lovers: "The sun shines in the zenith, and beneath is a great winged figure with arms extended, pouring down influences. In the foreground are two human figures, male and female, unveiled before each other, as if Adam and Eve when they first occupied the paradise of the earthly body. Behind the man is the Tree of Life, bearing twelve fruits, and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is behind the woman; the serpent is twining round it. The figures suggest youth, virginity, innocence and love before it is contaminated by gross material desire. This is in all simplicity the card of human love, here exhibited as part of the way, the truth and the life. It replaces, by recourse to first principles, the old card of marriage, which I have described previously, and the later follies which depicted man between vice and virtue. In a very high sense, the card is a mystery of the Covenant and Sabbath."-Waite, Arthur Edward, 1857-1942. (2005). The pictorial key to the tarot. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications


	5. The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She travels forward headstrong in her journey, determined to gain what she has been searching. During it all, she remembers all she has found and all she has left behind. She is still who she began as, but she has grown into something completely new as well. Her resolve is strong, as she reaching out to her holy grail. Yet it seems to move further and further away. It is only when she realizes the holy grail is not what truly wanted, but the resolve continue to travel throughout the lands. Having found her answer, she walks forth into new lands and kingdoms as she once did before, but she is not alone. Together with those who share her mind and heart, they walk forward into the setting sun, knowing that it will rise again.
> 
> The World awaits her, for she now has the key.

With Han being a smuggler, there was no doubt he had his fair share of bounties on this head. But they knew that it would be Jabba who had Han. After all, he was the one Han always mentioned. The question was what Jabba would he do with him. Luke had filled Leia in on what he knew about Jabba. Every kid on Tatooine knew to not cross his path, that on Tatooine he might have well been the Emperor. Any money and goods, down to every cent and crumble, all flowed through his hands in one way or another. He had a complete stronghold on the planet’s wealth. He could exploit and abuse the inhabitants of Tatooine all he wanted, keeping the farmer poor enough that only the larger plantation owners had any power, with most of the owners coming into the land and wealth to manage such plantations by Jabba’s hands. He controlled near all of the imports and exports of Tatooine, particularly illegal goods and the slave trade. Tatooine was just the base of his expansive criminal empire, his power reaching far out into other Outer Rim territories. Leia had asked why the Empire had not interfered with Jabba yet if he held that much power. The answer was simple, Jabba’s operation was profitable to the Empire. The spice trade’s profits always ended up in the Empire- with the wealthy buying grand mansions and ships. The crime lords also kept less monitored planets from rising up in rebellion, the underworld keeping the planets oppressed for the Empire free of cost.

The most troubling aspect was the intelligence network that Jabba had established. While Jabba had professional agents, he relied mostly on the common folks. He was willing to anyone who provided useable information and willing to hold at gunpoint those who kept information he needed at gunpoint. Because of that, they had to treat anyone and everyone as potential spies or sell-outs. So to gather information, their best chances were to pose as someone in the network looking for work or a change to climb social status. But Luke and herself were too recognizable as being associated with the rebellion without a disguise. Chewie was straight up a target himself. Lando was the only one who could get away with deeper infiltration, having not associated with Han for a while and not as recognizable as being closely associated with a fraction. Cloud City did do shady business at times, everywhere did, but it wasn't a strong name in the criminal underwork so there was a good chance no one who know of him. So as much as Leia wanted to charge headfirst, she knew they had to take a slower approach and walk with caution.

All they knew for sure as a starting place was that Han was to be brought to Jabba, or possibly his close subordinates, as a bounty. But after that, there were three main possibilities of what could have happened to Han after the reward was collected: he could have killed, he could have been sold to another crime lord with a different bounty on his head, or he could have been kept as a prize as a demonstration of Jabba’s power. Leia found it unlikely he was killed, with him being in carbonite he was helpless and he would be more useful alive. They had searched far and wide for more bounties on Han, and it seemed he had racked up quite the impressive amount but they all came back to Jabba. So it was most likely Jabba still had Han. Finding out specifics was a risky task, if anyone reported what they were trying to do to Jabba, it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for bounties to be placed on their heads. But, it turned out that with both Luke’s and Lando's aid of knowing what places to look, it was common knowledge in some circles that Jabba still had Han. Those who went to the Jabba's palace knew he displayed the man like a prized possession- not until a hunter who would mount the head of a particularly hard to catch game on their wall.

After finally gathering enough information they were ready to take action. The plan they formulated was risky, but all of them were no strangers to risk.

Leia didn’t like the idea of treating Chewie like an animal, but they both wanted Han back and he reassured her it would be worth it. It was the quickest way to stack their board and get to Han. She knew it wasn’t odd for favored bounty hunters to hang around the palace, a good place to pick up jobs and network along with doing less than moral activities. She wasn't out of place, with her bring Chewie in she had Jabba's favor, but she stuck to the shadows. Even without anyone knowing who she was, which would be extremely lucky with no one guessing she was an ally of Han’s, she could easily imagine bounty hunters poisoning another. And she couldn’t dream of touching the other girls and women there, who were slaves or those indebted more than likely not.

Leia waited until night when the main hall was quiet and dark. She carefully crept forward, approaching the far hall where Han was trapped. She knew the controls by heart, having learned each type of carbonite housing there was. She didn’t want to risk hurting Han more than he already was. The carbonite’s housing clashed heavily against the floor, but she had no way of cushioning something that heavy. She typed in the code to dissolve the encasing, holding her breath as the carbonite began to fade and hoping that he had was still alive after being encased for so long. She was so caught up in her mind, that when he was fully released he fell to the ground and she cursed herself for not thinking to catch him. He was understandable scared, as anyone would, and didn’t recognize her with her voice modulator. She didn’t wait after she took her mask off to kiss him, having been chasing the memory of their last kiss for the past year. But she knew they had to work fast, and hope that they could make it our before anyone noticed. There would be time to express how deeply her feelings ran once they were back on the Falcon.

That had been far too hopeful to expect not to be discovered, but by Jaba himself hiding behind a curtain? She hadn’t expected that and kicked herself mentally for not noticing that it had been there when it hadn't when she first entered the Palace. But it would be okay, they had a backup plan- That’s what Luke, Chewie, and Lando were for. She tried briefly to bargain, well more so threaten Jaba, but it didn’t do anything. But the others knew that with scum such as Jaba, things would never go smooth by the words of Luke.

However, having to endure this degree of humiliation was not remotely part of the plan. 

When Luke’s eyes met hers, he tried not to change his expression but she could feel his distaste. Out of all of them, Luke’s hatred of Jabba ran the deepest. He couldn’t convince Jabba, not by force or by bargain, so he made the move to kill him. The shot didn’t land, and she had seen what kinds of things Jabba unleashed on those for his entertainment. She was worried, but Luke had trained hard. She had been so focused on Luke, she had to restrain herself from startling when Lando came to her side, still undercover. They did have a little leverage with him still in place, and Luke had said that R2-D2 would come especially in handy. He always did put a lot of faith in that little droid, they all did. They had diverged far off plan, but this would be their only chance.

But at the moment, she couldn’t help but be scared for him when that monster, the rancor, was released. Luke only just managed to escape, equal parts luck, and fast thinking. He was alive, but Jabba was infuriated, calling for Han and Chewie. But she saw Lando push through the crowd, to what she assumed was to get either Luke, Han, or Chewie. It did briefly lighten her heart to hear Luke and Han banter, but only for a moment. Han still had hibernation sickness. She would have thought his vision would have already returned, but he had been encased for a year. Luke had a lot of confidence or was either buffing. She chose to believe it was confidence because she wasn’t ready to see those three who had become like family to her be ripped away, nor did she want to spend a second more chained to that filthy crime lord. She fought against it, not willing to be handled like a piece of meat. She’d sooner die than succumb to Jabba’s wishes.

Lando managed to land himself with Luke, Han, and Chewie on the float over the Sarlacc pit- so when Luke made his move they would have his support. Han spat insults, prideful just as she knew him to be. Luke called out to give Jabba one last chance, but she wasn’t so sure if given the chance that Luke would show him mercy unless in the form of a quick death. Luke and Lando shared a glance, and he gave the signal. Their fail safe was still in place, they had a fighting chance. Luke caught his saber, and chaos erupted. Jabba was unfocused on her, letting the chain go lax and giving her a chance to break it, which she certainly wouldn’t let waste. He had humiliated her, was the cause of Han’s capture, and had caused them all enough suffering. Strangling him was merciful in her opinion, compared to all the ways she wished to kill him.

After meeting up with R2 and C-3PO, it was time to move and make their way to Luke. Following his lead, she landed a critical shot causing a chain reaction, the Khetanna went up in flames and Luke got them both over to the escort ship where the others were. After retrieving the droids, they speed away as fast as they could. She couldn’t be more eager to leave this planet behind her.

She pulled Han close to her as they speed away from the palace. She held his hand perhaps a little too tight but he responded but squeezing just as hard. He reached up and brushed his hands through her hair with a smile on his face. He then said words so simple, words that said she loved her just as he had before.

"I knew you would come back for me"

She kissed him, kissed him in the way she wanted to do that when they had been pulled apart the year before. It had been worth it, it all had been worth it if it had leads her to here. When she pulled back, she pushed her forehead against his. She swore that she would never let them be pulled apart again. She gave him a silent vow, that once they were alone she would save all those things she had wanted to as she watched him he encase in carbonite, all those things she wanted to saw as she searched for him. His eyes told her the same thing as he had before, that he knew and that he would do the same. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him and let out a little laugh. They were an odd pair, he wasn't a partner she would have ever imagined herself with. But now, he was the only one she could imagine herself with. Leia had always been one to be devoted- to her people, to her rebellion, to those closest to her- and Han was no exception. And despite Han's persona of a smuggler who looks out for himself first and foremost, she knew he was devoted to her too. She did no doubt in her mind that the man had fallen for her just as she had for him.

Once they had it back to the falcon, it was hard to let Luke leave. But she knew she couldn’t stop him from doing what he had to for his training. That it was what Luke felt he called to do, to become a Jedi. However, this time she did get to wish him off. The Falcon felt right again with Han and Chewie together, even with Lando at their side. She had come to grow close to him too, even with their rocky start. She had learned about his misadventures with Han and Chewie, with the same air of half-truths that Han had when he told stories. But he was dependable and more grounded, he also cared deeply for the well being of those he felt responsible for. He made for a fine rebel in that way and a fine friend.

It would take time for them to meet back up with the rebels, so she thought it was fair to stick to indulge herself with some time with Han all to herself.

Once they arrived, no time could be wasted before the attack on the second Death Star was launched. She was reluctant to part with Han for the time, but she did have commitments to attend to. She did manage to find him before the debriefing would take place and joined him. She was taken back that Han had volunteered since she would have been expected for him to blame the rebellion, at least partially, for his capture. But they were with each other until the end. And of course, Chewie was in too. When she heard Luke’s voice, she was happy he was back and with them too. But something was wrong, that he wouldn’t tell her. It was concerning, so she would definitely ask him again later. 

Han really did trust Lando, offering him the Falcon. While Han learned once they escaped Tatooine that Lando had been essential to finding him, in Han’s memory Lando’s betrayal should have seemed like yesterday. Maybe that was his way of telling Lando he better come back alive. He was worried, that much was clear. Leia didn’t know about the Falcon being the fastest or best, but if nothing else she was one hell of a lucky ship. She did have to roll her eyes at Han calling their shuttle a piece of junk with his love for the Falcon, but she had an affection for the old girl too. 

Luke was distracted, he had been for a while. She caught him like this before at times, but never this badly. She knew about being trapped in the past or worried about the future, this just wasn't like him. She wanted to say he was being paranoid imagining he was endangering them, but she knew how strong he was with the force. They managed to land, but she felt a heavy and cold sensation while they were being held beforehand. It was similar to something she had felt before but she couldn’t place. It wasn't the first time she had spells like that, at times she would be overtaken by sensations that shouldn’t have been there. Luke had told her she was more in tune with the force than he had seen in others, but she didn’t think much of it most of the time.

Endor was more humid than she had thought, or it might be her imagination after the dryness of Tatooine. They landed further away from the imperial settlement than strictly necessary, choosing to approach on foot for more stealth. They ran into a patrol of troopers sooner than they would have hoped, and they didn’t have the time to spare to go completely around them. Han took off with Chewie to distract them, it was a fifty-fifty chance if his confidence would pay off or not. But she suspected that he would make a mess of things. He actually almost made it before a damn twig snapped. She took matters into her own hands, spotting more of them and following on a speeder. She paused just long enough for Luke to get on behind her. Even with their comms jammed, more speeder patrols saw them. Luke gave her the go ahead to stay close to the first while he would take care of the newcomers. She took a risk using a natural ledge, allowing her to catch up beside the other speeder. But the trooper took out her speeder, if she hadn’t gotten knocked off she would have crashed along with it. But at least the trooper had gotten distracted and crashed completely. Her vision was getting blurred, she tried to resist it knowing she might have a concussion but black overtook her.

She was startled by something sharp poking her, immediately expected to be on the business end of a baster, but it was only a little fuzzy fellow. Looking around, there were no identifiable landmarks. She had been so been so caught up in the chase she didn’t have a clue how far off she was from their original group or the amount of time that had passed beyond that it was still light. She might as well try to befriend whoever she was with, diplomacy had been her strong suit for years. He didn’t seem to understand her well, or either was too afraid, so she took a page out of her time as Senator. While she had been annoyed at the balls the Senate would throw instead of taking action, the other senators always used the settling to try to persuade others. It was expected that in a more relaxed setting, tensions would be lower and it was easier to persuade others. And the easiest way to relax a setting was with food, something near everybody likes. She searched her pockets, finding a standard ration bar within. Not the most flavorful, but it did its job. After showing that it was safe to eat, the fellow did come to sit next to her after he took it. He started again when she took off her hat, but was more trusting and took it when she offered it. She had expected him to maybe put it on, but when he searched around again right before a shot came. She tried to see where it was coming from but the brush was too dense, so dense she couldn’t see the trooper right next to her. The little fellow made an opening for her, and she was able to take out both of them. They couldn’t stay here, the troopers could have sent a message out. She tried to lead both of them away, but he pulled her in a different direction. Given that he had to know the forest he lived in better than her, she followed with some caution. Besides, she had no idea where the others were and any company was better than none when stormtroopers could be lurking anywhere.

There were more of them, a lot more of them. The rest of them were aggressive at first, but after the fellow who brought her said something she didn’t understand and they seemed to be wary, but okay with her presence. This little settlement looked untouched by the imperials, so it was as good as any of a place to lay low until she could contact Luke or Han. Leia checked over herself, checking for injuries and there was nothing besides minor bruising. Some time passed before she heard a commotion outside, she tensed expecting imperials at first to be raiding the camp but she didn’t hear any blasters. But she heard voices, voices she recognized. She ran out to meet Han, Luke, and Chewie before seeing that they must have made a bad first impression. She tried to get them the creatures to listen, but all she got was their spears pointed towards her. She was trying to calculate how she could manage to fight them off to get to her friends when C-3PO levitated. She was taken back, she knew Luke had grown stronger in the force but to see it in such a way was almost otherworldly. But her attention snapped back as the creature frantically unwrapped the others and she ran to Han, embracing him and smiling into their kiss. 

They decided to stay there for the night, moving in uncharted territory in the dark only spelled for trouble. C-3PO took to telling the Ewoks, the name of the creature which C-3PO supplied, stories late into the night, and he enjoyed himself considering how much he loved to talk. It was nice, amidst all the pressure of war, to have a night free of that. The storytelling cemented them as part of the tribe, much to Han’s annoyance. Given he had almost made a meal, he wasn’t too fond of them but help was help. However, Luke caught her eyes when he left with the same troubled expression he wore back when she asked him what was wrong. She followed him out of the little hut to ask again, he did say he would tell her later. When he asked about her mother, she didn’t know what to say. All she had were feelings, someone unclear in her memory but unforgettable. She didn’t understand why it was related to Vader. Until Luke told her everything.

Her connection to Luke, how natural and easy it was to talk to him, had always been more than convenience. She felt that it had to be, but thought that it couldn’t be anything more. But to hear Luke say she was his sister, Leia had sure it was true. And that she was strong in force the as he was, that it should have been in plain sight for so long. Those feelings she would have, they were just like the ones Luke told her about, the ones he felt before he had Ben. 

She couldn’t believe Luke, she wanted to trust him but she couldn’t. Vader...Vader had hurt her more than anyone else had, more than she could believe anyone could. He had always been there when she suffered the most. It was him who held her in place, forcing her to face Alderaan in its last moments. It had been him you tortured her in the Death Star. It had been him who froze Han with no regard if he survived. It had been him who almost killed Luke. It had been him who took the lives of countless rebels and others and enforced the Emperor’s will. How could someone like that still have good in him? How could someone like that deserve to have anyone look for the good in him?

But Luke’s eyes had always shown her too much. She could see the turmoil in him. He was uncertain if he would come back, he knew what that would mean to her. He knew that he had told her so much, that without him it would be all hers to bear. She also saw certainty, that he truly believed that he could turn Vader. He was being truly honest with her. But more than anything, she saw the eyes of someone who had to face their past before they could look to the future.

She saw her own eyes.

Who would she have become if she refused to look from where she came from? Who would have she become if she rejected Alderaan? If she never looked into the empty sky where Alderaan should have been, or even more so when she looked into the sky and saw the brightness in place of her planet- not a star, but the light of millions of deaths that was still visible in parts of the galaxy as if Alderaan was suffering, hanging between life and death? Without looking back, would she have never been able to turn her grief into an even stronger drive for justice, so that no one would suffer as she had? Without looking back, would she have ever been able to love again when her heart had been shattered? Would she have ever been able to live again? Or would she have let her home truly die, refusing to carry it with it, in all the pain and all the pride and all the love it brought to her?

Could she let Luke become a shell of a person, become who she almost had become?

She couldn’t, she couldn’t do that to Luke. She had to let him go.

When Han came, she had no words. She couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t explain all that had happened in such little time. she couldn't explain once again how her heart had grown so much in such little time once again or to be torn apart again. She didn’t have it in her to bite back when Han doubted her. She just needed him, her world had been changed once again, changed in a way that she could never be the same and she just need one thing to be the same. She just needed Han to be her Han. 

She firmed herself when daybreak came. She needed to be Leia of the rebellion, and she could. If Luke could, and must, return after facing Vader, she could hold it together until the shields were down. This was her battle, Lando and the rebellion needed them. The three of them along with the Ewoks headed towards their target, with the advice of going through the backdoor. One of the Ewoks managed to pull all but one of the guards away and they were in. But they didn’t make it far, they should have been able to get further before they were spotted. That was until she saw the rest of the rebels who had come with them captured. But with C-P3O’s call, massive amounts of the Ewoks emerged and started chaos. And by now, taking advantage of chaos was Leia’s forte. 

Han followed suit, pressing against the shield generator’s doors and covering for the droids while they came over, R2's attempted to open the door until being shot off left Han attempt to get the door open. Seeing as he managed to keep the Falcon mostly together, he should manage. At least what she thought before he managed to close another door came down rather than opening the first. They needed to get the troopers off their backs or they wouldn’t last for much longer and a slight blast wound wouldn’t be the worst injury she’s taken for an advantage. But the advantage didn’t last for more than a second when a walker came, which thankfully turned into the biggest advantage they had. She hadn’t even noticed Chewie was gone during it all. Using a stolen uniform was so simple yet efficient, it was just up Han’s ally. The rest was easy and the generator was destroyed with the bunker. The sound of the celebration told her that the Death Star had been destroyed, but Luke was safe. She could still feel him. Han was foolishly slow, after time and time again showing that they both loved each other he decided he would step back. But it did show her again how much he cared for her, that he put her happiness above him. He could be too soft for his own good at times, the same as he always had been

She was worried about Luke, he was alive but she knew he faced Vader and how he moved forward was a choice only he could make. She gave him his time, and let him come back to him. When he embraced her, she knew he had found his peace. When they all came together, she felt truly at home.

She had suffered so much, and times she questioned what it was all for. But she was found her family, she had always been fighting for others, but now she had won a battle for herself. She had lost so much, and nothing could bring back the people of Alderaan or all the friends in the rebellion she had lost. Right now, she felt like there was a path forward for her. She could help build a democracy that learned from the mistakes of the past. And she could rebuild her life. The empire was not defeated yet but they had landed a critical blow, they had the upper hand. They would prevail and she would too. It was a brave new world ahead of one, and for once she had no lingering fear. She was ready to start living again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new world truly opens to Leia, with being reunited with the man she loves to learning she has a brother to being able to see a future outside of war. In the end, she gets to be surrounded by her family once again. She will always be have scars from her past, just as the galaxy as a whole will, but they don't define her.
> 
> More on the World: "As this final message of the Major Trumps is unchanged--and indeed unchangeable--in respect of its design, it has been partly described already regarding its deeper sense. It represents also the perfection and end of the Cosmos, the secret which is within it, the rapture of the universe when it understands itself in God. It is further the state of the soul in the consciousness of Divine Vision, reflected from the selfknowing spirit. But these meanings are without prejudice to that which I have said concerning it on the material side."-Waite, Arthur Edward, 1857-1942. (2005). The pictorial key to the tarot. Mineola, NY: Dover Publications

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art For Daughters of Destiny](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017032) by [Amrita_Vein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrita_Vein/pseuds/Amrita_Vein)




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